eimajtl - If you could edit this into the first post, it would be appreciated. 
Ranks
[Based on minimum requirements - tentatively ordered]
*Asterisks are for ranks that can't kudo/tag
*SwimNub (#777777)
No requirements/starting rank.
*SwimPunk (#006600)
Posts: 0
Days Registered: 9
Minutes Online: 60
Page Views: 129
*SwimNerd (#904700)
Posts: 103
Days Registered: 145
Minutes Online: 1147
Page Views: 2527
*SwimFan (#cc33ff)
Posts: 539
Days Registered: 56
Minutes Online: 2380
Page Views: 5550
SwimHipster (#ff6603)
Posts: 1081
Days Registered: 115
Minutes Online: 7472
Page Views: 20046
SwimSuperfan (#6633cc)
Posts: 2363
Days Registered: 188
Minutes Online: 14601
Page Views: 25270
SwimStar (#0033ff)
Posts: 4199
Days Registered: 338
Minutes Online: 33924
Page Views: 87700
SwimHotshot (#00cc99)
Posts: 7135
Days Registered: 368
Minutes Online: 58231
Page Views: 144232
SwimIcon (#00ff00)
Posts: 10003
Days Registered: 493
Minutes Online: 81970
Page Views: 216785
SwimGuru (#ffff00)
Posts: 14887
Days Registered: 639
Minutes Online: 123848
Page Views:229726
SwimLegend (#ffffff)
Posts: 19018
Days Registered: 993
Minutes Online: 114362
Page Views: 274805
Order of the Owl (#cc9900)
Posts: 27259
Days Registered: 1089
Minutes Online: 80323
Page Views: 322634
Order of the Kitty (#006699)
Posts: 53378
Days Registered: 1395
Minutes Online: 177352
Page Views: 663951
Swimuminati (#ffcc33)
Posts: 79272
Days Registered: 1112
Minutes Online: 338493
Page Views: 843368
Gimmick Ranks
New
SwimPerfect (#7a0090)
48, 117, 793, and 3292 logins
Pattern yet to be discovered.
Swim1337 (#996600)
Have a post count of 1337
Babbler/Incoherent Babbler (#99ccff)
Supposedly based on ratio of threads started to replies. Someone peer pressure some of these guys to post their stats. For the one Babbler that posted, 27.5% of their total posts were threads started, so like a 27.5:72.5 ratio.
SwimDemon [Previously SwimDevil] (#aa0000)
666 days registered.
Carry-overs
[If anyone has any evidence of the requirements for these having been changed, let me know]
SwimPossible (#0099aa) [Previously #ffffff]
SwimLucky (#00aa00)
SwimBinary (#cccccc)
SwimCount (#cc99f0)
TnuoCmiwS (#cc99f0)
SwimThreadless (#00ffff)
May require more minutes online than before. Alternatively, may be based on an obscenely high replies-to-threads started ratio.
SwimInstigator (#ff00cc)
SwimFlunky (#ff00cc)
SwimFail (#ff00cc)
SwimAssociate (#6699ff)
SwimInsider (#6699ff)
SwimInsider (#ff0000)
SwimPraetorian (#ff0000)
Note: We still don't even know if any of these stats matter, haha. Someone brought up the point that maybe it's based on percentages now, which would invalidate alla this. So, until we hear from Humbug, just keep posting your stats, even if they're higher than you see here.
Note 2: I also gathered topics posted, because you just never know, but the lowest are so low I highly doubt they play any role in ranking. Later, I might go back and gather logins and messages read, because who knows.