Assy McGee

[duzitickle]

wanna contribute to the assy wiki?
heres your chance!
post character bios, episodes guides, or just all around strange facts.
ill add the to the wiki with credit.

[The_Neck_Kicker]

Character name: Assy Mcgee

Played by: Larry Murphy

Bio:A tough talking, violent type. Assy Mcgee is a talking exposed buttox. Assy Mcgee is a sort of parody of 1970s and 1980s cops from movies such as Dirty Harry, Lethal weapon, and Cobra. Assy is a shoot first ask questions later type of cop. He never hesitates to threaten or kill anyone. Not much is known about Assy outside of the fact that he's a talking ass, but assy has stated that he is of Cuban descent. His Cuban heritage is backed up in the episode, "conviction". In the episode, a childhood picture of assy with a cuban hat is shown in the background. Assy also served a tour in Vietnam. In the episode "Hands up" a Vietnam flashback causes Assy to accidentally fire off a round from an AK-47 into the abdomen of a WWII veteran. Whether or not Assy actually has any genitalia is a subject of controversy. He has been showed in many episodes with no visible genitalia protrusions, but he requests a "happy ending" from a masseuse in the episodes "The Flirty Black Man" and "Murder by The Docks." On the other hand, Assy has proven to be capable of urinating which hints that he does have genitalia, but it cannot be shown due to censorship. Please note that Assy's backside has never been shown. How he is able to handle and hold items is also a subject of confusion. Items that he holds either float in front of him, or they insert themselves in the crevice of his "face". In addition to being a police officer, Assy also owns a used car, hot tub, and driveway repair dealership off "exit 19" in Exeter. Assy claims to have all the new Scion XBs, as well as not willing to give cars to people without credit. In his 30 second commercials, Assy says "Bad credit, no credit? Sorry, that's your problem a**hole." His slogan is "Don't make me run your ass over." It should also be noted that Assy Mcgee's voice, whether by inebriation or his anatomy, is muffled. Sometimes it can be difficult to understand him.

[The_Neck_Kicker]

Character name: Detective Don Sanchez

Played by: Larry Murphy

Bio: Don Sanchez is Assy Mcgee's mild mannered partner. Sanchez is the typical stereotype of the "good cop". Sanchez has a wife and three children. Sanchez, at times, tries to act as a voice of reason to assy's unethical, violent style of police work. These attempts are often to no affect. Sanchez is very loyal and tollerant of Assy and his antics. Although Sanchez is the harder worker between himself and Assy, it is always Assy that finds the perpatrator in the end. Sanchez bears a very strong resemblence, both physically and vocally, to latino actor Luis Guzman. Sanchez's wife, Brenda, wants a divorce from him. In the episode "Bikes for Bombs" it is hinted that one of his sons, Rudolpho, might not be his. Assy also claims to have had sex with Brenda during their honeymoon. Assy also claims to have recieved an STD from Brenda, which he hints when he says "Every day I take a leak I'm sorry." In two episodes, "Johhny Arson" and "Squirrels" it is hinted that Sanchez is a pyro.

[The_Neck_Kicker]

Character name: Greg "The Chief"

Played by: Larry Murphy

Bio: Greg is always referred to as "chief". Obviously, he is the chief of the Exeter police department. Greg and Assy often conflict with each other about cases, but Assy always manages to "wow" the chief by solving the case and bringing in the perpetrator. Greg is the stereotypical chief on all police shows and movies. This is shown through the chief's arguments with Assy. This is also seen through the chief's classic cop lines. In several episodes, the chief demands assy hand over his badge and gun, but he always gives them both back. The chief is also having an on going affair with sanchez's wife, Brenda.The chief also often has nasty sexual conversations in his office, which end when somebody enters.

[duzitickle]

im reallllllly gonna have to reword that more than you did, man.
its almost a direct copy/paste of this...
only slightly reworded.
if wikipedia saw your entries, i think theyd have an issue.
=[

[The_Neck_Kicker]

I apologize. You don't have to use any of this.

[duzitickle]

its ok, we can work with it.

[Lesbianomicon]

I'll probably post summaries of whichever episodes Video has online now. Is there any particular academic style to which I should adhere?

[HolyLoliSoul]

Episode 101, "Murder on the Docks", original airdate: November 26, 2006

On October 21, 1799 in Exeter, NH, President John Adams needed to stick to his favorite lady of the night under a bridge, even giving her a special necklace. When some nosy mobs butts in, it's soot on and butts up for Adams and his hooker, but wait! The young prostitute is allergic to soot, and Adams cradles her in his arms as she dies.

In the present day, a girl finds the wh*re's remains, and it's up to Assy McGee and five dead cops to solve the case! But Assy gets suspended, and only his partner Sanchez is on his side. While the Mayor wants the Chief to get an arrest before the anniversary celebration of the Battle Under (The) Bridge, Assy and Sanchez high-tail it to the Hall of Records where a quick search of over 7 million John Adams doesn't get them any closer to catching this literal lady-killer.

When Assy feels the need to relieve the beast at a massage parlor, the quick-thinking Sanchez finds that the hooker is the founder of this place, and after Assy gets a handie and a run-in with some ninjas, a thrilling car chase ensues! Looks like that Asian lady knows which side her rice is cooked: both sides.

On the day of the parade, Assy corners a John Adams impersonator on a float and gives him some double-barreled justice, sunny-side up. Turns out the actor was wanted in 28 states, and the Chief reinstates that cheeky devil Assy.

Just tell me if that's good, and I can keep going.