Re: Marriage question

seventy-seven · ‎04-01-2009

First congrats!

Now advice...

First, compromise is the first key, but don't compromise everything. I follow the 80/20 "rule" 80% of the time its compromise, 10% you win, 10% your partner wins. From life experience, everyone I know who attempts to compromise everything ends up feeling like they never get anything they really want. There has to be some win/lose fights for avoid the general feeling of why your partner doens't understand why you wanted that so much and why he/she doesn't get it. Just remember that you have to lose sometimes too. Pick the ones you really want to win carefully.

Second, don't think the relationship will never change. It will. Things that you agree on now might not be the same things you agree on later. Like where you plan to live, kids, etc. People grow over time, prioritise change, life happens. Don't become unbending.

Third, don't idealize the relationship you have now before marriage. Often times people wonder why the person they married isn't the person they married. Read the second above. Things change. Don't focus so much on what you had that you lose sight of what you have.

Fourth, that annoying habit will get on your nerves. Everyone has them, but for some reason once the rings are one that habit comes front and center. Try to ignore it as best as you can, blow up when you can't take it anymore, and then appologize. Accept it when your partner does the same to you.

Fifth, never think you can change anything you don't like. It's not going to happen. You will drive yourself insane. Sure, you might get you partner to finally stop taking the socks off in the living room...for a week, but it will come back. See rule four.

And finally, remember that marriage is supposed to last for the rest of your life. Things you can't even imagine are going to happen, some good, some bad. Most likely there will be times you'll wonder why exactly did you marry this person and is it worth it? Decide exactly which straws break the camels back, ironically you'll probably find this won't change over time, and don't let the camels back break for less than that.

It won't be easy (for some reason idiot people think it will be) but nothing worthwhile ever is.

best number ever

Glodson · ‎07-13-2003

valiente16 wrote:
Okay now I know there are plenty of married people on here with good relationships and all and so I ask you. How do you make your marriage work and deal with disagreements? I know Saddy and Blue have at least 20 years under the marriage belt and Buddy and NadaKatt (sp?) seems to be working well as well as Glodson and lil dream elf...anyhoo....give me advice here. The boyfriend has asked and is presenting me with a ring and wants to do this thing next summer. My choice of wedding. So...HELP!

So far he is wonderful, we have disagreements but we talk them out instead of stewing and going to bed mad. I know that is a good step. We also compromise. So how did you old timers make it last so long and how will you continue?

My only advice is to just keep talking. I mean, there's going to be ups and downs. Good times and bad times, especially if you have kids. You're going to make mistakes. You both are going to screw the pooch on many, many, many, many occasions. But if you keep talking, and put the effort in, it will work out.

I've been wondering...
I can't get this soon enough..
You best believe there's hell to pay.
"Live your life in such a way that the Westboro Baptist Church will want to picket your funeral." -Neil deGrasse Tyson
XBOX Live, Steam and PSN: OmegaGlodson

valiente16 · ‎10-08-2003

screw the pooch?

Once upon a time in a land far away, a beautiful, independent, self-assured princess happened upon a frog as she sat contemplating ecological issues on the shores of an unpolluted pond in a verdant meadow near her castle. The frog hopped into the princess' lap and said: Elegant Lady, I was once a handsome prince, until an evil witch cast a spell upon me. One kiss from you, however, and I will turn back into the dapper young prince that I am, and then, my sweet, we can marry and set up housekeeping in your castle with my mother, where you can prepare my meals, clean my clothes, bear my children, and feel forever grateful doing so. That night, as the princess dined sumptuously on a repast of lightly sautéed frogs legs seasoned in a wine and onion cream sauce she chuckled to herself and thought: I don't f*cking think so..

valiente16 · ‎10-08-2003

bigddan11 wrote:
I've been married over 5 years now...

We each have our own apartments and do not live together yet we are in an exclusive relationship.

That's the only reason it's working, I think...

you ever going to live together?

Once upon a time in a land far away, a beautiful, independent, self-assured princess happened upon a frog as she sat contemplating ecological issues on the shores of an unpolluted pond in a verdant meadow near her castle. The frog hopped into the princess' lap and said: Elegant Lady, I was once a handsome prince, until an evil witch cast a spell upon me. One kiss from you, however, and I will turn back into the dapper young prince that I am, and then, my sweet, we can marry and set up housekeeping in your castle with my mother, where you can prepare my meals, clean my clothes, bear my children, and feel forever grateful doing so. That night, as the princess dined sumptuously on a repast of lightly sautéed frogs legs seasoned in a wine and onion cream sauce she chuckled to herself and thought: I don't f*cking think so..

NaBraniel · ‎11-26-2004

One day you might come home and find your husband buried in your dog

It happens, you know this.

Yeah

valiente16 · ‎10-08-2003

NaBraniel wrote:
One day you might come home and find your husband buried in your dog

It happens, you know this.

that sir...is disgusting

and who do you know or heard of that came home to this?

Once upon a time in a land far away, a beautiful, independent, self-assured princess happened upon a frog as she sat contemplating ecological issues on the shores of an unpolluted pond in a verdant meadow near her castle. The frog hopped into the princess' lap and said: Elegant Lady, I was once a handsome prince, until an evil witch cast a spell upon me. One kiss from you, however, and I will turn back into the dapper young prince that I am, and then, my sweet, we can marry and set up housekeeping in your castle with my mother, where you can prepare my meals, clean my clothes, bear my children, and feel forever grateful doing so. That night, as the princess dined sumptuously on a repast of lightly sautéed frogs legs seasoned in a wine and onion cream sauce she chuckled to herself and thought: I don't f*cking think so..

NaBraniel · ‎11-26-2004

I was thinking you had made the thread about that exact thing happening...but if not I apologize for bringing such a disgusting itn story up out of context.

My mistake.

Yeah

valiente16 · ‎10-08-2003

NaBraniel wrote:
I was thinking you had made the thread about that exact thing happening...but if not I apologize for bringing such a disgusting itn story up out of context.

LOL That wasn't ITN and now I know what you are talking about. That was a friend of mine who came home to see his gf getting her hooha munched by the dog.My bad.

Once upon a time in a land far away, a beautiful, independent, self-assured princess happened upon a frog as she sat contemplating ecological issues on the shores of an unpolluted pond in a verdant meadow near her castle. The frog hopped into the princess' lap and said: Elegant Lady, I was once a handsome prince, until an evil witch cast a spell upon me. One kiss from you, however, and I will turn back into the dapper young prince that I am, and then, my sweet, we can marry and set up housekeeping in your castle with my mother, where you can prepare my meals, clean my clothes, bear my children, and feel forever grateful doing so. That night, as the princess dined sumptuously on a repast of lightly sautéed frogs legs seasoned in a wine and onion cream sauce she chuckled to herself and thought: I don't f*cking think so..

Shadowstaarr · ‎11-09-2004

So wait, you're gonna be off the market?

*cross you off the "Yes" list and places you on the "Maybe" one*

VirusJunkie : I DONT WANT THAT MAN ON MY CO0CH!

ban dat dude!

If I die today, it'd be a holiday.

valiente16 · ‎10-08-2003

Shadowstaarr wrote:
So wait, you're gonna be off the market?

*cross you off the "Yes" list and places you on the "Maybe" one*

yup by next summer it will be official...and now I am off to the salon in the next hour or so..I have six hours of hair braiding ahead of me

Once upon a time in a land far away, a beautiful, independent, self-assured princess happened upon a frog as she sat contemplating ecological issues on the shores of an unpolluted pond in a verdant meadow near her castle. The frog hopped into the princess' lap and said: Elegant Lady, I was once a handsome prince, until an evil witch cast a spell upon me. One kiss from you, however, and I will turn back into the dapper young prince that I am, and then, my sweet, we can marry and set up housekeeping in your castle with my mother, where you can prepare my meals, clean my clothes, bear my children, and feel forever grateful doing so. That night, as the princess dined sumptuously on a repast of lightly sautéed frogs legs seasoned in a wine and onion cream sauce she chuckled to herself and thought: I don't f*cking think so..

bigddan11 · ‎06-09-2003

valiente16 wrote:
bigddan11 wrote:
I've been married over 5 years now...

We each have our own apartments and do not live together yet we are in an exclusive relationship.

That's the only reason it's working, I think...
you ever going to live together?

We lived together for three years at the beginning of our relationship.
I do not think we will again.

Cigarettes
Red nail polish
Orange pill bottles
Sunglasses
Lipstick
Black miniskirts
Mascara

stardust_whispers · ‎11-04-2007

That's wonderful news for you. I think a lot of people have said it. Talking things out, never go to bed angry. Growing together is part of it. Him asking your dad and mother is awesome.

I'm a widow and think about my husband every day. Make sure you tell him every day you love him, because you never know what tomorrow is going to bring!

Every little piece of your life will mean something to someone.

Ice_Faerie_Green · ‎02-16-2010

In the name of all that's holy ~ don't do it! Fcking run like hell!

2 out of 3 (or 4 out of 6)of these married board members will make posts about their pending divorces someday oh god RUN!

He writes love on her arms.

If I post in it, they will leave.

alucardsexyghost · ‎05-13-2008

Ice_Faerie_Green wrote:
In the name of all that's holy ~ don't do it! Fcking run like hell!

2 out of 3 (or 4 out of 6)of these married board members will make posts about their pending divorces someday oh god RUN!

you just want me to be single again so you can have me to yourself

Tip: trolls can not be fully defeated without the help of fire or acid
"bitchs love cannons" Hellsing ultimate abridged
I have a crush on Erio from Denpa Onna to Seishun Otoko
creepy

fugglesss · ‎01-16-2007

alucardsexyghost wrote:
Ice_Faerie_Green wrote:
In the name of all that's holy ~ don't do it! Fcking run like hell!

2 out of 3 (or 4 out of 6)of these married board members will make posts about their pending divorces someday oh god RUN!
you just want me to be single again so you can have me to yourself

haha..

inb4Glodson

psn: sweetcandygrl

Icarus27k · ‎01-17-2005

People on here ... are married?

;

fugglesss · ‎01-16-2007

Icarus27k wrote:
People on here ... are married?

yah i know. scary right

even more frightening.. some of them are married to each other!!

psn: sweetcandygrl

redd_bugg26 · ‎06-08-2003

congratulations to you how very exciting! i'm sure things will continue to be wonderful for you in this next chapter of your life.

let's see....my husband and i are newlyweds. we got married this past october, and we've had a lot of changes in our life happen within these past few months. i graduated college, he returned to the states after being stationed in korea for two years, we got hitched in texas, and then we had to hoof it to california within two weeks after our nuptials. it was a whilrwind of events to say the least.

as for small bits of advice:

communication is key. i'm very quiet and sometimes have a hard time speaking my mind or bringing up issues with my guy. it might take me a while to do so, or it might take some coaxing on his part; but eventually i'll get what i need to say out. he's just a blabbermouth; so, he has no issues talking with me about anything haha. if there is a problem, we do discuss what's going on in our lives and make plans for our future. whether it's money, future kids, debt...we're talking it out and trying to get everything set up for an easier road ahead. we're a young couple, and we're just trying to be smart about our future.

we're waiting on children so we can focus on getting out of debt; but, just as important, having all this extra free time to ourselves. we can go on trips, go hiking, exercise together, throw parties, all without having to worry about a baby. we'll probably give it a good four to five years or so before we start trying for kids. i mean, why not spoil ourselves for now, ya know? plus, we've babysat for friends before; and we're TOTALLY not ready for children yet haha

also, just doing the "little things" always helps out. it can be anything from holding hands, making a nice meal after a rough day, leaving lovey-dovey notes for your guy every now and then on his nightstand...all that stuff is just awesome. i love it when my husband surprises me with fixing dinner or anything small like that. sure, big gestures of love are great, but i always love the small things in our marriage that happen. it's corny, sure, but it really is amazing. it keeps the excitement going. of course, smexing around keeps the excitement going, as well, but we all know this.

i've been reading what a lot of other posters have put on here, and there is some great advice being said. a lot of what i was going to mention has been covered already, which is great. i'm not really sure what else to say, other than you two will do fine. just take it day by day, enjoy the time you have with each other, and make the best of what you've got when things get rough. rough patches are inevitable. just remember you're with the one you love and that's all you need and that things will get better so long as you work with each other

best of luck to you!

The cutest Bugg in town

valiente16 · ‎10-08-2003

stardust_whispers wrote:
That's wonderful news for you. I think a lot of people have said it. Talking things out, never go to bed angry. Growing together is part of it. Him asking your dad and mother is awesome.

I'm a widow and think about my husband every day. Make sure you tell him every day you love him, because you never know what tomorrow is going to bring!

Once upon a time in a land far away, a beautiful, independent, self-assured princess happened upon a frog as she sat contemplating ecological issues on the shores of an unpolluted pond in a verdant meadow near her castle. The frog hopped into the princess' lap and said: Elegant Lady, I was once a handsome prince, until an evil witch cast a spell upon me. One kiss from you, however, and I will turn back into the dapper young prince that I am, and then, my sweet, we can marry and set up housekeeping in your castle with my mother, where you can prepare my meals, clean my clothes, bear my children, and feel forever grateful doing so. That night, as the princess dined sumptuously on a repast of lightly sautéed frogs legs seasoned in a wine and onion cream sauce she chuckled to herself and thought: I don't f*cking think so..

valiente16 · ‎10-08-2003

So far they all seem pretty happy.....or they just aren't telling us they want to murder each other. All in all.. I think I will be okay. And why are you marriage scared?

Once upon a time in a land far away, a beautiful, independent, self-assured princess happened upon a frog as she sat contemplating ecological issues on the shores of an unpolluted pond in a verdant meadow near her castle. The frog hopped into the princess' lap and said: Elegant Lady, I was once a handsome prince, until an evil witch cast a spell upon me. One kiss from you, however, and I will turn back into the dapper young prince that I am, and then, my sweet, we can marry and set up housekeeping in your castle with my mother, where you can prepare my meals, clean my clothes, bear my children, and feel forever grateful doing so. That night, as the princess dined sumptuously on a repast of lightly sautéed frogs legs seasoned in a wine and onion cream sauce she chuckled to herself and thought: I don't f*cking think so..

valiente16 · ‎10-08-2003

Indeed they are

Once upon a time in a land far away, a beautiful, independent, self-assured princess happened upon a frog as she sat contemplating ecological issues on the shores of an unpolluted pond in a verdant meadow near her castle. The frog hopped into the princess' lap and said: Elegant Lady, I was once a handsome prince, until an evil witch cast a spell upon me. One kiss from you, however, and I will turn back into the dapper young prince that I am, and then, my sweet, we can marry and set up housekeeping in your castle with my mother, where you can prepare my meals, clean my clothes, bear my children, and feel forever grateful doing so. That night, as the princess dined sumptuously on a repast of lightly sautéed frogs legs seasoned in a wine and onion cream sauce she chuckled to herself and thought: I don't f*cking think so..

valiente16 · ‎10-08-2003

redd_bugg26 wrote:
congratulations to you how very exciting! i'm sure things will continue to be wonderful for you in this next chapter of your life.

let's see....my husband and i are newlyweds. we got married this past october, and we've had a lot of changes in our life happen within these past few months. i graduated college, he returned to the states after being stationed in korea for two years, we got hitched in texas, and then we had to hoof it to california within two weeks after our nuptials. it was a whilrwind of events to say the least.

as for small bits of advice:
communication is key. i'm very quiet and sometimes have a hard time speaking my mind or bringing up issues with my guy. it might take me a while to do so, or it might take some coaxing on his part; but eventually i'll get what i need to say out. he's just a blabbermouth; so, he has no issues talking with me about anything haha. if there is a problem, we do discuss what's going on in our lives and make plans for our future. whether it's money, future kids, debt...we're talking it out and trying to get everything set up for an easier road ahead. we're a young couple, and we're just trying to be smart about our future.
we're waiting on children so we can focus on getting out of debt; but, just as important, having all this extra free time to ourselves. we can go on trips, go hiking, exercise together, throw parties, all without having to worry about a baby. we'll probably give it a good four to five years or so before we start trying for kids. i mean, why not spoil ourselves for now, ya know? plus, we've babysat for friends before; and we're TOTALLY not ready for children yet haha

also, just doing the "little things" always helps out. it can be anything from holding hands, making a nice meal after a rough day, leaving lovey-dovey notes for your guy every now and then on his nightstand...all that stuff is just awesome. i love it when my husband surprises me with fixing dinner or anything small like that. sure, big gestures of love are great, but i always love the small things in our marriage that happen. it's corny, sure, but it really is amazing. it keeps the excitement going. of course, smexing around keeps the excitement going, as well, but we all know this.

i've been reading what a lot of other posters have put on here, and there is some great advice being said. a lot of what i was going to mention has been covered already, which is great. i'm not really sure what else to say, other than you two will do fine. just take it day by day, enjoy the time you have with each other, and make the best of what you've got when things get rough. rough patches are inevitable. just remember you're with the one you love and that's all you need and that things will get better so long as you work with each other

best of luck to you!

Aww thanks..and you two sound adorable.

Once upon a time in a land far away, a beautiful, independent, self-assured princess happened upon a frog as she sat contemplating ecological issues on the shores of an unpolluted pond in a verdant meadow near her castle. The frog hopped into the princess' lap and said: Elegant Lady, I was once a handsome prince, until an evil witch cast a spell upon me. One kiss from you, however, and I will turn back into the dapper young prince that I am, and then, my sweet, we can marry and set up housekeeping in your castle with my mother, where you can prepare my meals, clean my clothes, bear my children, and feel forever grateful doing so. That night, as the princess dined sumptuously on a repast of lightly sautéed frogs legs seasoned in a wine and onion cream sauce she chuckled to herself and thought: I don't f*cking think so..

Babbling

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