10-22-2011 11:47 PM
10-22-2011 11:50 PM
10-23-2011 12:02 AM
10-23-2011 12:06 AM
Tell him you're sorry for the situation he's in and you're there if he needs to talk to someone about it, as a friend that's about all you can do. If he chooses to talk to you about it, and is having a hard time coming to terms with it, I've found that reminding people that we all die eventually is often a helpful reminder. It's something that can't be controlled no matter how badly we wish we could control it or go back and do things differently and it's important to realize that and make the most of the time he's got left. If she's already really on her way out, the best thing you can do is probably to just try to take his mind off of it for those periods where he's hanging out with friends by doing stuff that's fun for him.
10-23-2011 12:07 AM
10-23-2011 12:21 AM
10-23-2011 12:24 AM
10-23-2011 12:28 AM
10-23-2011 12:40 AM
suppose that could carry some meaning considering he always calls me a heartless ass.
^not joking or being an ass about that by the way.
The reason why I said I'm not fuking around is because most of the time my responses are jerkish.
I find that saying you're "sorry ", feels inappropriate. It's like you're at fault somehow. Offering condolences is better to let a person know you care.
In the context of a message board response, one might think I was being facetious when I suggested hugging. but the fact is, people need physical reaffirmation from friends and loved ones. especially when they've lost one.
10-23-2011 12:40 AM - edited 10-23-2011 12:42 AM
What kinds of things does he say about it to you? Sounds like he obviously wants to talk to you about it.
Sometimes it's just good to tell people the truth about how you're feeling, like you just said you don't really know what to say, why don't you just tell him that so he understands that your hesitancy is not because you don't care, it's because you care but don't know how to help so you're getting awkwardly tongue tied? Obviously you care or you wouldn't be here asking this. Just tell him exactly that, but that you do want to be there for him, it's the truth I'm guessing so it should be easy to say, that's what a friend does in that situation. Don't isolate yourself from him just because it's awkward, this is important. A hug is not a bad idea either if he seems particularly close to breaking down.
10-23-2011 12:52 AM
10-23-2011 12:57 AM
I hate it when people corner me with an emotional situation in which they need consoling. I freeze up and react so poorly and inappropriately and insincerely that it usually very clearly lets them down.
10-23-2011 01:12 AM
10-23-2011 01:16 AM
10-23-2011 01:17 AM
10-23-2011 01:25 AM
10-23-2011 01:28 AM
One of my worst encounters was at work, this old guy came up and asked me for a corkscrew, I gave him a pair of scissors and he says they'll work. Five minutes later he's back to return the scissors sipping from a bottle of wine and immediately dives into an emotional account of how his wife got injured while serving in the war and how women shouldn't be allowed to fight in wars and he was drunk and crying and did not leave or stop talking about heavy **beast** for at least twenty minutes but it felt like hours and I was angry at him for being so stupid to not see that I was clearly falling apart, poorly mimicking the gamut of what would be normal human consolation and reactions to his emotions in an attempt to politely compensate for my general sociopathy but more importantly so as to not get fired for rattling a sobbing drunk old man by not accommodating his sadness in the way that people on television do (and I guess in real life too probably, but I would not know.)
10-23-2011 01:35 AM
10-23-2011 01:51 AM
10-23-2011 01:53 AM
Yeah I think you're gonna have to buckle down and be emotionally available for this one. Try to put yourself in his shoes and imagine what you would want in that situation.
10-23-2011 01:57 AM
10-23-2011 02:00 AM
10-23-2011 04:58 AM
"What we are encountering is a panicky, an almost hysterical, attempt to escape from the deadly anonymity of modern life ... and the prime cause is not vanity ... but the craving of people who feel their personality sinking lower and lower into the whirl of indistinguishable atoms to be lost in a mass civilization."
10-23-2011 01:49 PM
Ask "Is there anything I can do for you?"
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