what do you tell someone whose mom is dying

A_non_Emus_loser · ‎02-28-2006

more specifically someone you've been friends with for thirteen years.

it's becoming more and more clear that my natural tendency to find a reason to smile about things, regardless of the context, isn't going to work.

it's also becoming more and more clear that I am absolutely horrendous at consoling someone when something's depressing them.

so, in lieu of completely abandoning him because I have no idea how to approach this, I'm trying to figure out...how to approach this?

you are here here here here here here here here here here here here here here here here here here

I <3 Internet drama. ~Isen

Lacks_Sympathy · ‎07-11-2004

I'd say just be there for your friend.....sometimes it's as simple as that....you can always offer them a ear if they want to talk about it....or a simple gesture like a nice dinner or card works well to show that you care.....

TOONAMI

Mj?llnir · ‎12-11-2008

Offer condolences. Physically be there when they need a hug. I'm not fuking around.

A_non_Emus_loser · ‎02-28-2006

the talking about it part is the problem.

my ears are horrible when It's something where jokes are really really not a good thing. I almost smacked myself the other night for making one about it while I was talking to him.

a gesture that doesn't require words is sounding good right about now...

you are here here here here here here here here here here here here here here here here here here

I <3 Internet drama. ~Isen

ShowUsYourTaint · ‎11-07-2005

Tell him you're sorry for the situation he's in and you're there if he needs to talk to someone about it, as a friend that's about all you can do. If he chooses to talk to you about it, and is having a hard time coming to terms with it, I've found that reminding people that we all die eventually is often a helpful reminder. It's something that can't be controlled no matter how badly we wish we could control it or go back and do things differently and it's important to realize that and make the most of the time he's got left. If she's already really on her way out, the best thing you can do is probably to just try to take his mind off of it for those periods where he's hanging out with friends by doing stuff that's fun for him.

Cast off this taint, and become taintless

A_non_Emus_loser · ‎02-28-2006

suppose that could carry some meaning considering he always calls me a heartless ass.

^not joking or being an ass about that by the way.

you are here here here here here here here here here here here here here here here here here here

I <3 Internet drama. ~Isen

neverkeepchangin11 · ‎09-05-2008

just whatever you do dont click "like" on the facebook announcement

I dare you to make less sense.

Let's kill them all, let's torch the world

Say Ya To Da U.P. Eh?

so hop on your rainbow, and ride into oblivion

A_non_Emus_loser · ‎02-28-2006

she's definitely on her way out. the hospital said she's got another day or two of just nibbling on food rather than eating it before they stick her on a feeding tube.

lately the only time I even see him is at work. I guess he'd more or less coming in to take his mind off it, but even there he's talking about it more and more.

and more and more I'm feeling completely useless as a "friend".

starting to wish I was as heartless as he jokes about me being. emotions sukc.

you are here here here here here here here here here here here here here here here here here here

I <3 Internet drama. ~Isen

A_non_Emus_loser · ‎02-28-2006

inorite. what kind of asshat brings down everyone's day by plastering that all over the internet.

you are here here here here here here here here here here here here here here here here here here

I <3 Internet drama. ~Isen

Mj?llnir · ‎12-11-2008

A_non_Emus_loser wrote:
suppose that could carry some meaning considering he always calls me a heartless ass.

^not joking or being an ass about that by the way.

The reason why I said I'm not fuking around is because most of the time my responses are jerkish.

I find that saying you're "sorry ", feels inappropriate. It's like you're at fault somehow. Offering condolences is better to let a person know you care.

In the context of a message board response, one might think I was being facetious when I suggested hugging. but the fact is, people need physical reaffirmation from friends and loved ones. especially when they've lost one.

ShowUsYourTaint · ‎11-07-2005

What kinds of things does he say about it to you? Sounds like he obviously wants to talk to you about it.

Sometimes it's just good to tell people the truth about how you're feeling, like you just said you don't really know what to say, why don't you just tell him that so he understands that your hesitancy is not because you don't care, it's because you care but don't know how to help so you're getting awkwardly tongue tied? Obviously you care or you wouldn't be here asking this. Just tell him exactly that, but that you do want to be there for him, it's the truth I'm guessing so it should be easy to say, that's what a friend does in that situation. Don't isolate yourself from him just because it's awkward, this is important. A hug is not a bad idea either if he seems particularly close to breaking down.

Cast off this taint, and become taintless

A_non_Emus_loser · ‎02-28-2006

lol people probably say the same about me.

i get where you're coming from though.

you are here here here here here here here here here here here here here here here here here here

I <3 Internet drama. ~Isen

NaBraniel · ‎11-26-2004

I hate it when people corner me with an emotional situation in which they need consoling. I freeze up and react so poorly and inappropriately and insincerely that it usually very clearly lets them down.

Yeah

A_non_Emus_loser · ‎02-28-2006

it's becoming more and more personal as far as what he's talking about.

I've thought about just telling him that he's known me for thirteen years and knows I'm not the type to know what the hell to say to someone about something like this. which is the truth, but the way he keeps bringing it up is making me feel like I'd be letting him down to just come out and say something like that.

you are here here here here here here here here here here here here here here here here here here

I <3 Internet drama. ~Isen

anDaibhalsHusair · ‎07-21-2011

First of all. There is no "I." You aren't of concern here, therfore you have no concerns of your own.

What ever kind of person you are, he already knows. If he needs you, its because he needs you to be the same person you always have been. If he wants to talk, then he will talk. if he needs your input, he'll ask for it. Just be the same friend you always have been.

We would be surprised to find ourselves in a universe in which we couldn't live - Lawrence Krauss

Mistakes are some of the best things In life.

A_non_Emus_loser · ‎02-28-2006

no friggin **beast**. same way.

when I was in the hospital for a car wreck, one of the nurses started talking to me about a friend of hers that died in a wreck like mine.

she even started tearing up while she was telling me about it.

I honestly asked one of the nurses aids later if she was prone to mental instability.

you are here here here here here here here here here here here here here here here here here here

I <3 Internet drama. ~Isen

A_non_Emus_loser · ‎02-28-2006

I've been friends with him for over a decade. I can tell when something I'm doing (ie. being my normal asshat self) is not the best thing.

you are here here here here here here here here here here here here here here here here here here

I <3 Internet drama. ~Isen

NaBraniel · ‎11-26-2004

One of my worst encounters was at work, this old guy came up and asked me for a corkscrew, I gave him a pair of scissors and he says they'll work. Five minutes later he's back to return the scissors sipping from a bottle of wine and immediately dives into an emotional account of how his wife got injured while serving in the war and how women shouldn't be allowed to fight in wars and he was drunk and crying and did not leave or stop talking about heavy **beast** for at least twenty minutes but it felt like hours and I was angry at him for being so stupid to not see that I was clearly falling apart, poorly mimicking the gamut of what would be normal human consolation and reactions to his emotions in an attempt to politely compensate for my general sociopathy but more importantly so as to not get fired for rattling a sobbing drunk old man by not accommodating his sadness in the way that people on television do (and I guess in real life too probably, but I would not know.)

Yeah

A_non_Emus_loser · ‎02-28-2006

gah I worked at a bar in a german restaurant and I always wanted to just blurt out that they better leave a big tip cuz I'd much rather be down at the other end of the bar with that cute girl. regardless if she even leaves a tip at all.

you are here here here here here here here here here here here here here here here here here here

I <3 Internet drama. ~Isen

anDaibhalsHusair · ‎07-21-2011

Stop being so one dimentional. If smart as.s remarks are all there is to you, then no one here can offer any useful advice.

We would be surprised to find ourselves in a universe in which we couldn't live - Lawrence Krauss

Mistakes are some of the best things In life.

ShowUsYourTaint · ‎11-07-2005

Yeah I think you're gonna have to buckle down and be emotionally available for this one. Try to put yourself in his shoes and imagine what you would want in that situation.

Cast off this taint, and become taintless

DoseOfLaughter · ‎07-14-2011

I'm not good at having those kinds of emotional things....when my friend's mom died, all I could say was "That sucks major ass, man". Strangely, that was enough for him. I guess he understood that I'm about as emotionally supportive as a brick.

A_non_Emus_loser · ‎02-28-2006

bricks build strong houses.

or something. not really sure where to go with that.

you are here here here here here here here here here here here here here here here here here here

I <3 Internet drama. ~Isen

EmApathy · ‎09-14-2010

Try to empathize, not sympathize. Sympathy is something you give someone who you could in no other way understand.

Send some flowers to his mom in the hospital before it's too late with a card. The florist can help you pick out the card and the flowers stay away from white and black. White is something that covers the hospital room most likely and black is a reminder of death. Hopefully the florist will have enough sense not to choose those two colors, but if they recommend those turn 360 degrees and walk away.

Jane Fonda the Original Hipster

"What we are encountering is a panicky, an almost hysterical, attempt to escape from the deadly anonymity of modern life ... and the prime cause is not vanity ... but the craving of people who feel their personality sinking lower and lower into the whirl of indistinguishable atoms to be lost in a mass civilization."

Gaius_Sextus · ‎07-16-2009

Ask "Is there anything I can do for you?"

http://www.visembryo.com/

Good men don't need rules. Now is not the time to find out why I have so many.

"Holy Sh!t, Hellhounds!"
"Harry, you know I don't like it when you swear."
"Oh, sorry. I forgot. Holy Sh!t, Heckhounds!"

Babbling

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