Childrens Hospital

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Welcome to the CHILDRENS HOSPITAL Character Wiki

To submit a description or picture for a character, head over here.

Click on a picture below for a description of that character.

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   BLAKE DOWNS

Played by: Rob Corddry

First seen: S1E1 A Hospital isn't a Place

Description: The clown doctor of Children's Hospital. He uses the healing power of laughter, along with modern medicine, to treat patients. Often, his comedic healing is shown to work questionably, at best. Though he's mostly portrayed as a fairly serious doctor, he occasionally shows signs of sadism. He has a brother (also a clown), Sir Tinklebutton, who appeared for one episode in the second season. He's one of the few leading characters not shown to have frequent casual sex, though he has been seen rejecting a few of the women in the hospital. He had a brief rivalry with Dr. Nate Schacter, another clown doctor, in the first season. He left from the end of Season 1 to the beginning of season 2 to star in his (fake) spinoff, Blake Downs, M.D.

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    OWEN MAESTRO

Played by: Rob Huebel

First seen: S1E1 A Hospital isn't a Place

Description:

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    CAT BLACK

Played by: Lake Bell

First seen: S1E1 A Hospital isn't a Place

Description: The narrator and apparent main character of season 1. She's generally portrayed as being somewhat air-headed. She appears to be a parody of JD from Scrubs, as she has an inner-monologue going through her head as narration to the show (or sometimes random thoughts).

Spoiler

She develops feelings for her roommate, Dr. Lola Spratt, during the first season after nearly kissing her (but instead sneezing on her face).

She used to date Dr. Glenn Richie, and she breaks up with him in the opening of the fourth episode of the series (along with quite a few other lead and support characters). She develops a relationship with Little Nicky, a boy with a rare case of advanced aging disease, when he comes to the hospital in the first season. Throughout their relationship, it's clear she doesn't understand why some of the other characters don't approve of them being together.

Spoiler

Spoiler

She become pregnant after having sex with Nicky toward the end of the first season (which leads a concerned and/or jealous Dr. Richie to give him a vasectomy), and dies giving birth to his oversized, advanced aging disease afflicted child early in the second season following his death. It seems to be implied that she still has feelings for Lola, as she asks her for the "kiss of life" just before dying. She's replaced by Dr. Valerie Flame in narration for the remainder of season 2.

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    LOLA SPRATT

Played By: Erinn Hayes

First seen: S1E1 A Hospital isn't a Place

Description:

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    GLENN RICHIE

Played By: Ken Marino

First seen: S1E1 A Hospital isn't a Place

Description: This Orthodox Jewish doctor is generally easygoing. He's generally seen wearing a yarmulka. He's Cat Black's ex boyfriend, and is shown to be either jealous or genuinely concerned by her relationship with Nicky, the 6 year old patient with advanced aging disease. He has a rival from Hebrew school, Rabbi Jewy McJewjew, who he claims used to "steal his girlfriends and leave them broken-hearted."

Spoiler

In the first season, his role is fairly minimal. However, in the beginning of the second season, he discovers a cure for cancer in the bodily fluids of Sy Mittleman's butterflies. Ben Hayflick from the National Division of Health spends a few episodes trying to threaten him into keeping his cure secret, so "big pharma" doesn't lose money.

It often seems during the second season that he can't quite comprehend the severity of a situation, as he absent-mindedly ignores various threats and suspicions from and against other characters.

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    THE CHIEF

Played By: Megan Mullally

First seen: S1E1 A Hospital isn't a Place

Description: The head off staff who suffers from a degenerative nerve disorder stemming from the legs (a touch of MS, a little Parkinson's, and a splash of cerebral palsy). She walks around using a metal walker. Many of the male staff members find her very attractive, and she has "moments" with each of them. In season 2, she begins developing feelings for Sy Mittleton, but pretends to dislike him to maintain with her residents favor.

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    VALERIE FLAME

Played By: Malin Ackerman

First seen: S2E2 No One Can Replace Her

Description:

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    SY MITTLETON

Played by: Henry Winkler

First seen: S2E1 I See Her Face Everywhere

Description: He "runs" Children Hospital with an iron fist. Sy constantly puts pressure on the others and tries to keep the chief busy.  Soon he begins to feel like an outcast and would rather be "Liked, than right." It doesn't take long before Sy begins to develop feelings for the Chief. 

Spoiler

This leads to a secret affair between the two.

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    CHANCE BRIGGS

Played by: Nick Offerman

First seen: S1E1 A Hospital isn't a Place

Description: A loyal and adamant cop. Former partner and close friend of Dr. Owen Maestro (who left the force shortly after 9/11). His resolve is to get Owen back on the force.

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    LITTLE NICKY

Played by: Nick Kroll

First seen: S1E2 Monkeys, That's What We Are

Description: An adult­-sized six-year-old boy with the rarest case of advanced aging disease known to children's hospital. He's introduced as a playful, obnoxious man and quickly grows into a playful, obnoxious old man. When Dr. Cat Black meets him, she immediately falls in love with his six-year-old charm, which inevitably leaves his mother mortified. He's not very bright, which is compounded by his dementia (The Chief remarks that it's "hard to tell what's senility and what's normal six-year-old behavior) and the fact that he may very well be mentally retarded.

Spoiler

During the first season, he and Cat begin to have a sexual relationship, which leads to Dr. Richie giving Nicky a vasectomy. Unfortunately, he was late in doing so, as Cat had already become pregnant. He dies while "making love" to Cat during the second season, after taking erectile dysfunction medication that reacts fatally with his heart medication. His child also kills Cat during birth, as Nicky's disease was apparently hereditary, causing the baby (also portrayed by Nick Kroll) to be man-sized.

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    NURSE DORI

Played by: Zandy Hartig

First seen: S1E2 Monkeys, That's What We Are

Description:

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   MAX VON SYDOW

Played By: John Ross Bowie

First seen: S1E4 This Kid's Getting a Vasectomy

Description:

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    NATE SCHACHTER

Played By: Seth Morris

First seen: S1E3 A Very Special Episode

Description: The best damn leukemia doctor in all of Saskatchewan. Uses the healing power of laughter, but successfully. Rival of Dr. Blake Downs.

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    CUTTER SPINDEL

Played by: Rob Corddry

First seen: S1E3 A Very Special Episode

Description: Cocky alter-ego of Rob Corddry. Appears in the second half of season 1 episode 3 with David Wain. Regarded as the writer/director of the aforementioned episode.

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    DAVID WAIN

Played by: David Wain

First seen: S1E3 A Very Special Episode

Description:

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    HOSPITAL ADMINISTRATOR

Played by: A.D. Miles

First seen: S1E4 This Kid's Getting a Vasectomy

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    ED HELMS

Played by: Ed Helms

    JASON MANTZOUKAS

Played by: Nate Corddry

First seen: S1E1 A Hospital isn't a Place

Description:

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    RABBI JEWY McJEWJEW

Played By: David Wain

First seen: S2E9 The Coffee Machine Payed for Itself

Description: The (fairly obviously) Jewish chaplain of Children's Hospital and Dr. Glenn Richie's Hebrew school rival. He joins the show briefly during the second season and quickly steals Dr. Richie's current interest, Dr. Valerie Flame. Glenn remarks that Jewy used to "steal all his girlfriends and leave them broken-hearted". Though clearly passive-aggresive toward Glenn, he's shown to offer advice and guidance to those who ask for it.

Spoiler

His commitment to Judaism, as well as his status as a rabbi, is questionable. Though he does resist Valerie's advances due to a period of celebecy imposed by a Jewish holiday, he also had a large pork shoulder shipped to the hospital. When this is revealed, he flees the hospital.

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    BEN HAYFLICK

Played by: Kurtwood Smith

First seen: S2E4 Frankfurters, Allman Brothers, Death, Frankfurters

Description:

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    SIR TINKLEBOTTOM

Played by: Paul Scheer

First seen: S2E5 Give a Painted Brother a Break

Description: