Family Guy

[wickedlady4180]

I noticed that there are a bunch of quote threads in this folder, so I'm combining them all
to create one super thread of funtastic quotes!


Peter: "Maybe I will! And then I'll put it on my feet, and skate on Paul bunion giant skillet, to cook his flapjacks!"


^which BTW is a total rip off of the simpsons episode when Homer was Paul Bunion, and marge
strapped butter to her feet and skated on a giant skillet to cook flapjacks! but i love it anyway

[kayakinghippie]

So what are your guys favorite FG quotes, i know you have some...

[LilGreek]

Well I don't know if it counts as a quote, and I don't remember what episode it's from since it was just a random clip. But it was when they cut to the scene in Star Wars VI where they're discussing how they'll destroy the Death Star and some guy makes his comment "3 Meters? Not even a computer could hit a target that small", to which Luke replies "Nonsense, I used to hit wamprats with my T-19 back home".  Family guy then makes the random guy take Luke into a corner where he addresses Luke for calling him out. Luke then just shrugs and the theme music from "Curb Your Enthusiasm" plays.

Hillarious.

But if you meant origional Family Guy quotes my favorite one is where Peter goes:

"This was more of a disappointment than Stride Gum"

"Mmm -- Awww...." 

[KrazyAce17]

My fav. fam.guy quote is "float like a buttrfly,sting like when i pee"

anyone that reads this put ur fav. quotes on also(from fam.guy)

[R.I.P.brak18]

Stewie- Rupert, do you happen to have any Valium? oh that's right. you're living the"clean" life now. It's just that girl in daycare, Janet. A bit of a piece of underated fluff she is. But for some reason I can't get her out of my head. What's wrong with me????

Brian- Wel, well, well. Looks like someones in love.

Stewie-HA! that was so funny I forgot to laugh. Excluding that first HA.

Brian-Face it, kid. you're just a sucker for brown eyes.

Stewie- Ha! her eyes are green!

Brian- ha. Thank you for proving my point.

Stewie- ####!

[R.I.P.Boogiema13]

"Hey, Do I have to Paint the Penies?"
"Hey, Do I have to Sculp the Penies?"
"Hey, Do I have to Conduct with my Penies?"

All By Peter, I Forgot which episode is on

Edited 9/10/2003 9:00:45 PM ET by Boogiema13

[R.I.P.THE_POPE]

"yay now i get to live at the bank!" - chris

som guy: wow the people look like ants from up here!
Bill Gates: they are ants [dale]. they are ants!

fakin hilarious

[jcgerard]

It was the one with the community play that Lois was supposed to direct, but he turned it into a "remixed" The King and I.

[jcgerard]

All of my favorite Family Guy quotes is:
____________________________________________________________
Lois: Peter, did you get that growth taken care of?

Peter: Yeah, yeah I did.

Doctor (in flashback): Peter, that's your p*nis.

Peter(naked in doc's office): Uh, huh. And tha...

Doctor: That's your s.crotum.

Peter: Oh.
____________________________________________________________
Chris: If I stick this army man up my nose, my brain will tickle. (sticks up nose) He, he, he, he, OW! (takes it out) Now I don't know math!
____________________________________________________________
Bob Barker (on TV): This is Bob Barker reminding you to help control the pet population. Have your pets spayed or neutered.

Brian (to TV): Just die already!
____________________________________________________________
Meg: You were right, mom! I should have listened to you and bombed their house!

Lois: Well, I knew you would get a little soft on me, so I hired an old friend to give them something they'll never forget.

(doorbell rings, girl opens door)

Quagmire: Hello there, how old are you?

Girl: Sixteen.

Quagmire: Eighteen you say? You're first!

Girl: Mom!

Quagmire: I like where this is going!
____________________________________________________________
Quagmire: Hello? Yeah, it's stuck in the window this time.
____________________________________________________________
Peter: I've got a good joke to tell. (Woman walks in.)

Woman: I love a good joke.

Peter: Then you'll like this one. Why do women have boobs? (Woman's jaw drops) So that you have something to stare at while you're talking to them. So that you have something to stare at while you're talking to them. So that...(change scene to Mr. Weed's office)...Hi Mr Weed, you wanted to see me?

Mr. Weed: Peter, we have an attorney from one of our female co-workers.

Attorney: Peter, my client is suing you and the company for sexual harrassment

Peter: Oh, was it that woman we videotaped taking a dump?
____________________________________________________________
There's more that I like, but I'll bring them up later.

[R.I.P.trepdive]

Judge: I'm sentencing you to 24 months in prison! *slams gavel*

Lois: Oh no!

Brian: Oh no!

Meg: Oh no!

(Kool Aid Man busts through the wall)

Kool Aid Man: OH YEAH!

[R.I.P.LegacyZero]

peter: i am an Abomiton Nuclear Ninja Assasin from the planet England. you can call me Anna.




Brian: Hola, mi nombre es brian.

immigrant: thats pretty good, but you dont need the es in there. its just hola, mi nombre brian.

Brian: oh thank God you speak English!

Immigrant: nope, just that sentance and this sentance explaining it.

Brian: wait, what?

Immigrant: Que?

[R.I.P.bobboy34]

Tuesdays in the 80's, i was always in bed by 8 and home by 11 ~quagmire

[R.I.P.Werdz]

My favorite one is in the episode where Peter gets mixed up with the mafia. Peter says,
"Want me to wack a guy?...Off a guy?...#### a guy?"

[R.I.P.ebag]

my name? pea...tear...griffith. peter griffith. ah crap

[R.I.P.Blacktigre]

" oh oh oh, its all over...its in my racoon wounds."

[R.I.P.Blacktigre]

stewie is w this boy and stewie has a baseball and the boy has a bat, stewie says" want 2 trade" boy says, "sure" stewie smacks the boy over the head w the bat, takes the ball, and says "what did learn" lol its funnier when u see it

[R.I.P.Krioni]

Lois and Peter about to make love open bathroom door to catch Brain doing *something* with a dirty doggie magazine-
Lois: Oh god was he just mas-
Peter: Yeah! What do we rub his nose in it?

or something like that, gross.. but hilarious

[R.I.P.reil09]

Interviewer: "So, Mr. Griffin: where do you see yourself in five years?"
Peter: "Uuh..."
(thinking to himself) don't say doing your wife! don't say doing your wife! don't say doing your wife! (looks at a picture of the interviewer's family)
"doing your... son?"

[jcgerard]

Peter: I don't know what to do with you now that you'll be neutered.

Brian (in possible future, very overweight): Do you want some chocolates? I can't eat them because I'll get too fat.
____________________________________________________________
BTW, Brian was still eating the chocolates, and he sounded almost like Jasper, his gay cousin. It's a proven fact that once you get a male dog neutered, it gains weight rapidly.

[R.I.P.Dagodevas]

“………” ~ Stewie after realizing that Peter was trying to breast-feed him

That scene was PRICELESS!

[jcgerard]

I know.

Did you know that it is possible for a man to breastfeed? Dead serious!

[R.I.P.MikoKathryn]

Haha, "The life of the wife, was ended with the knife" I didn't see the episode but a friend told me about it. Either that, or the scene when Peter iced his #### and juiced a lemon on it. Priceless.

[R.I.P.Stewey]

stewie - "What the deuce?!"
Quagmire (whenever he gets something he likes) - "All right"
Brian - "I use my own tounge as toilet paper"

[R.I.P.SWMike]

I've got tons, but these weren't mentioned:

(They're trying to potty train Stewie)

Peter- Hey, I ought to just give you some beer, stuff goes right through ya!

Stewie- Wonderful!..And while we're at it we could light up a doobie and watch porn!

Peter- Ye..Yeah?
____________________________________________________________

Quagmire- I've never done it with a Spanish chick before...o-le!
____________________________________________________________
Quagmire- Hey Meg 18 yet?

Meg- No.

Quagmire- Hey Chris how are ya?

Chris- Well I'm glad that Brian is...

Quagmire- All-right!

[R.I.P.FauxPas]

Lois: Peter! You're drunk!!!

Peter: No, I'm not drunk, I'm just exhausted...from being up all night DRINKIN'!

Faux Pas