Family Guy

[use-your-ilusion1]

haha funny quotes guys keep em coming

[Castor_Aries]

Peter Griffin: I thought you wanted to do a good show. Well, if you wanna do a bad show, why don't we just do Rent?

[use-your-ilusion1]

quagmire "hey does this look like a Q to you?"

[marcus626]

peter: "i have an idea, an idea so great my head would explode if i even begin to know wat i was talking about"

[Castor_Aries]

Peter Griffin: I'll take it! Hello, China? I have something you may want, but it's gonna cost you. That's right. All the tea.

[inuyashafreak65]

Brianeter you're so fat you have you're own gravitational field

[Castor_Aries]

Stewie Griffin: How positively delightful, it's as if someone stabbed Mr. Bubble!

Stewie Griffin: This is my rifle, this is my gun. This is for fighting, this is for fun! 

Stewie Griffin: Ah, the breakfast thing. Yes. I-it wasn't even about the eggs, really. Frankly, I like the yolks. I-I-I do. I have no problem. It's just, there's always a lot of tension between Lois and me. And it's not so much that I want to kill her...it's just...I-I just want her, not to be alive, anymore. Uh, I-I sometimes wonder if-if all women are this difficult, and then I think to myself: my God, wouldn't it be marvelous if I turned out to be a homosexual?

[animechicka]

that'll probably happen

[Castor_Aries]

Stewie Griffin: Hello, operator? Hello? Oh God, that's right, you have to punch in the numbers nowadays. I should know this...oh, yes, 867-5309, that's it. No wait, that's not it. Damn you, Tommy Tutone! Only one thing to do. 111-1111! Lois? Damn! 111-1112! Lois? Damn! 111-1113...

[satteliteuy]

Attention customers, Testicals, that is all.

[Castor_Aries]

Stewie Griffin: That's it, Mr. Giraffe, get all the marmalade.

[apetite4destruction]

Indian Child: Stewie, would you like to learn how to wrap a turban?

Stewie Griffin: Why don't you teach it to the Chinese girl? Or perhaps she can learn after her people invade your country.

Indian Child: Li, would your people really do this?

Stewie Griffin: Oh, try and stop them. And try and stop Pablo's people from using drug money to buy arms from Li's countrymen who will in turn sell them to Yuri's people so they can ethnically cleanse the rest of this nauseatingly diverse grab bag of genetic party favors you call a family. So now you understand, yes? You all hate each other.

[Castor_Aries]

Brian Griffin: Hola. Uh, Me-me llamo es Brian. Uh, oh-oh, let's see, uh... Nosotros queremos ir con ustedes...

Drifter: Hey, that was pretty good, but, actually, when you said "Me llamo es Brian," you don't need the "es," just "Me llamo Brian."

Brian Griffin: Oh, you speak English?

Drifter: No, just that first speech and this one explaining it.

Brian Griffin: You...you're kidding, right?

Drifter: Qué?

[marcus626]

Peter: Believe me i know something about bad calls...

Peter: hey lois i cant take out the trash cuz im at the office and there making me stay late

Lois: but it says the call is coming from the kitchen in fact i can see you

Peter: can you see me now

Lois: No

Peter: ok now im at the office

[Castor_Aries]

Peter Griffin: Oh, Gregg Allman, How did you handle it when life got you down?

Gregg Allman: Me? I did a lot of drugs, married some broad named Cher...I wouldn't recommend either one of 'em.

[apetite4destruction]

---

Castor_Aries wrote:

Peter Griffin: Oh, Gregg Allman, How did you handle it when life got you down?

Gregg Allman: Me? I did a lot of drugs, married some broad named Cher...I wouldn't recommend either one of 'em.

---

[Castor_Aries]

Lois Griffin: Because together we can do anything -- face any foe, overcome any obstacle.

Peter Griffin: Yeah, climb any mountain, rent any video, dial any phone. And not just our phone, Lois. Other people's phones. Decent phones! God-fearing phones! Phones that everybody else gave up on but we knew better, because we were a team!

[F_Scott_Fitzgerald]

Mayor Adam West: I love this job more than I love taffy. And I'm a man who enjoys his taffy.

[marcus626]

Joe: "peter is that lois at the diner?"

Peter: "wats lois doing at a diner i already ate"

[apetite4destruction]

peter--"hey when you put that in your garage does it say....is it in yet?"

[Castor_Aries]

Lois Griffin: Oh, I haven't been on a college campus in years. Everything seems so different.

Stewie Griffin: Really? Perhaps if you laid on your back with your ankles behind your ears that would ring a few bells?

[Castor_Aries]

Lois Griffin: My days in college were so exciting. This one time the National Guard came and shot some of my friends.

[Khrijunk]

Peter: When did they change the meaning of for to from?

Brian:  They had a meeting about it.

Peter: Why wasn't I invited?

Brian:  They sent you a letter, but since it said it was for you, you thought it meant it was from you and so...you know, its just easier to call you an idiot.

[Sewar461]

Woman- what is this?!

Man- Its my ear

Woman- YOUR EAR?!?!

Man- yes, you love it right?!

Woman- well i guess this will be a funny story to tell our kids one day!

Man- oh...you wanted kids.... well you shoulda told me that before i got you this *holds up box*

[XcarnageX]

---

Sewar461 wrote:
Woman- what is this?!

Man- Its my ear

Woman- YOUR EAR?!?!

Man- yes, you love it right?!

Woman- well i guess this will be a funny story to tell our kids one day!

Man- oh...you wanted kids.... well you shoulda told me that before i got you this *holds up box*

---

The man in that scene was Vincent van Gogh, if you weren't aware.