General Comedy Discussion

[Josey]

Yes, the Candiru fish that the Monarch mentioned in "Are you there God? It's me Dean." is unfortunately very real. I was inspired to check out the valdity of the claim on the net tonight and found this little snippet from the Straight Dope:

On 28 October 1997, one of us (Samad) attended a 23-year-old man from the town of Itacoatiara on the Amazon River who sought medical attention with obstruction of the urethra, having been attacked by a candirú. Prior to being attended, the patient remained untreated for three days and was only administered medication for pain.

By the fourth day the patient presented with fever, intense pain, scrotal edema [swelling of the scrotum], and extreme abdomen distention from urine retention. Surgical removal of the fish was considered, but rejected in favor of endoscopy [insertion of a TV-equipped tube into the urethra]. The patient was anesthetized with 5% lidocain and the procedure was performed.

The fish was grasped using an alligator-clip attachment on the endoscope and removed in one piece. Fortunately the fish was dead, and decay was beginning to soften its tissues. Tension on the spines had relaxed in death, and they no longer gripped. Had the candirú been alive, its removal would have been more difficult and resulted in greater trauma to the patient.

The fish penetrated the victim's urethra while he was standing in the river urinating, actually emerging from the water and entering his **bleep**, filling the entire anterior urethra [emphasis added]. He reported trying to grab hold of the fish, but it was very slippery, and it forced its way inside with alarming speed. The candirú's forward progress was blocked by the **bleep** separating the **bleep** urethra from the bulbar urethra. With the passage blocked, the fish had made a lateral turn and bitten through the tissue into the corpus spongiosum, creating an opening into the scrotum.

Perfusion [flushing] of the urethra with sterile distilled water prior to endoscopy induced further immediate and pronounced scrotal edema, making it evident that the opening had allowed the perfusate to enter the scrotum. Although the patient had remembered the fish as being small, after extraction it measured 134 mm (51/2 in) [long], with a head width of 11.5 mm (7/16 in). . . . Some coagulated material was removed, revealing a wound on the bulbar urethra of 1 cm in diameter and associated with a small amount of local bleeding. Although the patient suffered immediate trauma, no long term effects of the attack were noticed 1 year after the incident.

I couldn't post the link becase the page does have a link to some rather graphic photos where a male's genitals are visible. It shouldn't be hard with a Google search to find though. It's odd abilities are mentioned in Encyclopedia Britannica as well as on the Urban Legends page.

Just thought I'd mention it for the curious.

Message Edited by Josey on 01-24-2005 03:27 AM

[R.I.P.gcko]

Thanks for the nightmares dude.

[barbegazi]

Oh.... wow.....

that's just.....     man....

[Josey]

Yeah, it does sound rather hideous doesn't it?

[R.I.P.quickink]

Holy Cheese Doodles! If I'd known that before being dipped in the Amazon, the frightened turtle would have fled out the back door, terrified!

[R.I.P.KaySakura]

This is some scary stuff man.

I did some searching my self.

Seems it really can only find you or a way into you if  you pee. It smells it in the water and will head straight for you and will enter in through anything it can, even small cuts, open or scabbed.

EDIT

It is also much smaller before entering. Once it has fed it expands.

Message Edited by KaySakura on 01-24-2005 04:31 AM

[Josey]

I had to search to see if there was really such a thing. I'm used to thing I hear similar to this being myths, but this is one of the few times it isn't.

But yeah, I kind of caught on to the fact it goes after you when you urinate as well. Must have something to do with the heat generated or something. But that area is a good place to be since it feeds on blood I guess.

[R.I.P.KaySakura]

Indeed it does, and where does most of the blood on a male body go? hehe.

[BlackGaurd]

Lol wow that's impressive keep posting **bleep** like this I love. Myths and rymes scared **bleep** faces replying oh yah that's "Deh Pwntang!"

[Josey]

I wonder what killed the fish since the report said it was already dead?

By the way, the facial expression on your icon seems quite appropriate for this subject.

[Josey]

Well, hey, I might be doing a little bit of a public service here. Someone reading this might be minutes away from taking a dip in the Amazon and peeing at the same time, they should be warned!

[GuyE]

That would be horribly painful.

[Josey]

You know, that candiru poem I linked to really **bleep**. If there's one thing horrible that the web has wrought, it's places for wannabe poets to dump their junk.

[ratt]

But don't they only try to swim up your urethra if you're urinating in the water? They're attracted to the ammonia or something. They're not malicious, just rather stupid and easily confused.

[R.I.P.zoidberg-fan]

I've heard of that.

[R.I.P.entroPboy]

Okay so they like the smell of urine. We now know not to pee while waist deep in the Amazon. Putting on a condom before wadding in is probably a good idea too.

[Josey]

Any creature that attempts to swim up your urethra is EVIL my dear. It's a universal law.

[R.I.P.BluntMan7]

That's cool and all, and kinda wierd, but this belongs in the Babbling Folder.

[BlackGaurd]

Not nessesarily. It was spawned off of Venture Broz. so I think it's fine here.

[R.I.P.SonicZoom]

Alright first of all if you jump into the Amazon buck naked you deserve to get some hell-bound disease

[BlackGaurd]

Would it matter if you were wearing clothes? I mean obviously it didn't for the dude who's **bleep** was eaten by a fish.

[Josey]

Well this is based upon something brought up in the show and it is a discussion forum so I thought it was more appropriate than the Babble forum. Babble tends to be about things non-show and non-AS related.

[Josey]

Well if you wore really loose fitting trunks the fish could probably swim up them. Something like speedos though might be a little too tight fitting for them to get around though.

Edit: Wearing snug underwear might work too.

Message Edited by Josey on 01-24-2005 06:19 PM

[Kramerica]

I knew the Monarch wouldn't lie to me!

Actually, I thought he was.

[R.I.P.LOISMUSTDIE420]

Dude, thats just wrong. I was squirming in my chair the whole time I was reading that. **bleep** what an evil **bleep**in fish!