I. Whereupon I First Sought My Fortune
This voyage began several years ago far away in the lands south, whereupon I began procuring several small ATHF DVDs in the Best Buy Adriatic*. Back in these halcyon days of ironically bitter youth, the title of Adult Swim was rendered in big red letters on but a few of my latest treasures. I took to viewing them and enjoyed their quirks and clicks, but I had not set a purpose unto myself yet.
II. Learning and Earning What I Shall Never Understand
Over the years, more of these discs were whisked on the heady winds of Mother Fate to my trembling hands, rubbed raw and tanned brown by work and heat in the high school fields*, and I was all but too happy to have a respite from my tormentous travails. My memories do not serve me so well, but looking at the spines that line my shelf, I do recall buying The Brak Show Vol. 1.
Aye, the folly of my foolishness of my still-budding body did not forsee something that still stymies me to this day! There were foretold commentaries, the ghostly whispers of those who scribed and painted the words and images I did see, but I could not find these devils of information! It was not by several months later while perusing yet more of my Williams Street wishes that I discovered that clicking upon the episode produced the commentary I sought! Ah, it was a red-letter day, 'twas!
III. My Purpose Screams Through My Corpulent Heart
It was in the year of our TIght Hole* 2008 where I did perchance to set myself on a small sojourn to procure certain series: the sanguine Metalocalypse, the intrepid Harvey Birdman, the indispensable Squidbillies, the pious Moral Orel, and the winsome Awesome Show. These fine shows did not fall by the grace of Mary full of Hart; nay, 'twas the hard work of having money at the right time by fortuitous benefactors that kept my steed in such a work! The free buses that ferried me to Barnes and Noble, they played their part well in this winding epic of slothful suspense.
Into 2009 I strove, finding myself making ever a headway to my wayward tip, whereupon I took my new residence in the Northern Territories. There I would find the gold I sought, and with an income of healthy stipends, I could take myself to such boisterous heights as to smack the face of God with my purchase of the Adult Swim Box, if only to get that Pilots DVD! 'Swounds! Do you think that I would waste my earnings so? How one does befoul me, for I donated the others, all mine already, to worthy causes abroad.
But with these bold statements of DVD supremacy, I had to make provisions necessary for my money to be sent by wire in exchange for those DVDs that did not come in the stores of brick and mortar. The profuse 12 oz. Mouse, the sultry Lucy, the jubilant Chrimbus Special, the definitive Space Ghost Vols. 4 and 5...all I captured and all I still have.
IV. What Exists And What Does Not
I reached my goals in 2010 T.H. I was up-to-date on all my volumes, and they filled me up so much that I felt that I could only breathe through their thick humors! It was a bliss that I made certain kept up with the times, and so I worked diligently ever since to keep myself complete through these complete works of the Adult Swim Collection.
Times may look dark now, so robbed am I of Robot Chicken Vol. 5 Blu-ray and the ATHF/AUPS1 DVD that I cry out into the night, "Why must I never hear the sweet alternate takes exclusive to the Blu-ray?! When shall I see upon mine eyes the third installment of Terror Phone?!"
But do not cry for me, Comedina. I know that they can be in my possession if I keep myself free from any personal recession. Mark these words with fingers blackened, I shall have these discs and Eagleheart as well, I shall not slacken!
COME WHAT MAY, I SHALL SEE THAT DAY SO GAY!
*Now known as Circuit City Ascendant
*This account was taken in the days when high schools were in fields.
*The Tight Hole was known to be filled for three days and three nights before expelling itself of our frothy sins.
Best thirty seconds of your life.
AdultSwim.com is part of Turner Entertainment Digital which is part of the Turner Sports & Entertainment Digital Network.
