Statement:
Fingers are porous and absorbant. FACT!
Butter is fat. FACT!
Mooshing butter into delicious recipies with your bare hands will make you have fatter fingers. FACT!
Ahem:
Today I would like to talk about a very serious condition that, believe it or not, millions of people around the world are not even aware of.
This condition has an original name, that I came up with, that doesn't mean something else other than this condition.
That's right, you guessed it, I'm talking about Butterfingers.
We, as people that cook with butter, need to know the dangers we face every time we are near butter.
We need to spread this awareness to everyone we know. And be careful where we spread our butter.
Spreading Awareness Starts With You Me Warcry Here:
Our very dear friend, warcryofthecrazy, discovered this condition at a very young age.
She used to help her mother bake, mooshing the butter into the rest of the recipe with her hands.
warcry knew how absorbant skin is, but her love for her mother kept her going.
As time went by the realization was so inflated in her mind, her worries consumed her. She started to notice changes in her fingers.
Were they really getting bigger? Was it the begining stages of Butterfingers?
I'm not a doctor. But I'm sure it probably, most definately, certainly... without a doubt was.
This needs to stop. Its not fair.
It could happen to anyone, even you.
I never knew!!! I never knew about Butterfingers.
Not only has warcry saved my fingers, she may, very well have saved my life.
When Does It Stop?:
The worst part about all of this is, it doesn't stop at fingers.
Next time you have a sleepover with your friends, how about you have a pillow fight, okay?
No more butter fights guys.
No more butter facials. That's not moisturizer, that's just making your face fat.
What's a chubby? I'm not a man so I don't know. But I think I just figured it out.
That must be how a man gets a chubby.
Butter? In your pants? Come on guys.
Where Does The Madness Stop?:
Where does the madness stop?
Whatever, you can keep putting butter in ur pants if you like it so much.
But butter everywhere else is not okay.
The Lesson:
I hope you've learned something today.
I know I have. Not the thing about Butterfingers, the other thing.
So if you're a female, you've probably learned 2 lessons today. You're welcome.
Anyways.
Next time you need to touch butter, don't.
And if you still need to, even after you decided not to, well, wear gloves.
Just use comon sense when you're around butter folks. That's all it takes.
And most importantly, tell your friends, they deserve to know about science. We all do.
Friends don't let other friends get Butterfingers.
clock is ticking.
our side of the fence, our side of the fence, our side of the fence,
are you on?
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