Metalocalypse

[SaintCervixCancer]

I have three of them. I'm sure you can guess which ones.

[BloodHawk1991]

No but if you must then do it

[MegaNaraku]

indeed

[SaintCervixCancer]

It's mandatory. That's fascism for you.

[klokateer513]

'UNDER THE PAIN-BOW'

By: Klokateer 5-13

(Mordhaus' recording studio-DK is cutting a single. D i c k 'Magic Ears' Knubbler is at the control & points at Nathan, who is standing before a live microphone, to sing.)

NATHAN: (Roasr into the head of microphone) Some-where...o-ver the (Shouts) PAIN-BOW!

PICKLES: (Usual tipsiness...or drug-induced stupor...or both) I AM HIGH! (Adds) No...really...I really AM HIGH...I'm HIGH!

NATHAN: (Usual guttaral dialect) There's a land, a land with no people, 'cuz ev'ry on it...(Typical roaring into microphone)...DIED!

SKWISGAAR: (Sings while playing his Gibson Explorer very, very FAST) Somes-wheres overs the's pains-bows...

NATHAN: (Roars once again into microphone) Skies are (Roars) BLACK and (Roars,,,blah-blah-blah) BLUE!

TOKI: (Sings sweetly; plays his Gibson Flying V) Ams the's dreams yous ams dares to dream...

NATHAN: (Roaring....yadda-yadda-yadda) Makes you (Screams into microphone) WAKE UP...with you B U T T covered with POO! (Adds) Someday I'll have a bad-a s s scar and my body will REEK of FEATHERS AND TAR that will BLIND ME!

MURDERFACE: (Sings; plays his Gibson Thunderbird) Where troubles melt like ACID DROPS!

NATHAN: (Adds) And BURN all the FARMER'S CROPS...(Roars angrily) So you stoopid fans (Guttural singing into microphone) GO...HUNGRY!!!!

CFO: (In recording room with his bread 'n butter; he is playi ng his 1959 Gibson Les Paul and sings) Some-where...o-ver the PAIN-BOW...

NATHAN: (Y'know the drill...roars into microphone) That HITCHCOCK dude's BIRDS FLY!

DK, KNUBBLER & CFO: (Singing in unison) Birds fly over the PAIN-BOW!

NATHAN: (Yells into microphone) NOW...GO...DIE! (Immediately adds) But, BUY our CD's first...(also adds)...and GO to our CONCERTS!

CFO: (To Nathan) You forgot to mention 'Deth Merch', Nathan...'Deth Merch' is very important: there's still snow cones left over from Dethklok's last concert.

MURDERFACE: (Boasts) And DON'T forget the GIRLS! Y'know I'm ALWAYS AVAILABLE! O'l Murderface is here for ya, ladies!

(Dead silence)

MURDERFACE: (String of expletives censored by guitar riffs)

PICKELS: I'm still HIGH...I'M HIGH!

DK, KNUBBLER & CFO: (Singing in unison) If C R A P P Y little P O O-birds FLY...

PICKLES: (Sings) I....AM....HIGH!!! (Adds) I really am...(Fades out) I'm HIIIIIIGH!

KNUBBLER: (To Pickles) SHAKE IT OUT! SHAKE IT OUT!

FINIS

[SaintCervixCancer]

Hey, that's a post!

[klokateer513]

^

TOKI: (Confused) I's thoughts that's Post ams CEREAL!

SKWISGAAR: (Scoffs at Toki) Posts ams whats you's gets from the mailman ev'ry day but Suns Day...(Lusts)...Fe Males Posts

Man...Posts Wummen!

NATHAN: Post is someone's HEAD hanging on one...(Roars)...A POINTY ONE!

PICKLES: Doods...posts are those sticky yellow things yoo use to remind yoo of stuff!

MURDERFACE: Yer all WRONG! Don't you know anything? Posting is what I'm best at...posting message boards!

TOKI: Whats ams message boards?

CFO: This is a message board.

DK laughs.

CFO: (Sighs) I tried.

[MegaNaraku]

I see you do a lot of skits

[klokateer513]

^

TOKI: (Still puzzled and confused) SKITS? Are skits ams like SKITTLES?

PICKLES: Doods...SKITTLES AND BEER!

NATHAN: Skittle Brau...like on 'The Simpsons!'

SKWISGAAR: Marge's moms ams her's sisters: I'S DO'S THEM!

MURDERFACE: "Taste the (Expletive censored by guitar riff) rainbow!"

NATHAN: (Roars) NOOOO! It SHOULD be...FACE THE PAIN-BOW!!! (Adds) The pain-bow has...(Roars once again)...COLORLESS SKITTLES!

PICKLES: Cul-lur less Skit-tulls in BEER!

DK: (In unison) FACE THE PAIN-BOW!!!

NATHAN: (To CFO) We want COLORLESS SKITTLES...IN BEER...DO IT!!!!

CFO: Noted. I'll have R & D on it, then there's test marketing before it becomes Deth Merch!

NATHAN: (Roars in CFO's face) You DON'T need test marketing!

PICKLES: YEAH! Like, we'll test marr-kett da prod-####!

CFO: Boys, I don't think...

NATHAN: (Roars once again in CFO's face) DON'T THINK! Thinking makes you...(Tries to ponder what to say; mutters, then says an answer)...THINK!

CFO: Noted.

Later...much, much later:

DK is at their living quarters drunk on beer...and Skittles. CFO looks down at the quaffing quintet.

CFO: So...have you 'FACED THE PAIN-BOW?'

DK answers...by throwing up...all over their bread 'n butter.

CFO: (Sighs) That was...that was my...that was my BEST suit.

DK: (about to pass out) SORR-REE!

FINI...the boys need to recover from their hangovers.

[SaintCervixCancer]

You're the Rosa Parks of Dethklok.

[klokateer513]

^
Oh, goody...I get to sit in front of the bus and NOT give up my seat to anyone!

[SaintCervixCancer]

Giving up your seat is not metal.

[klokateer513]

NATHAN: Using a shotgun to blow someone's head because they made you give up your seat on that bus....METT-TAL!

TOKI: (Usual confusion) What ams ifs theys playings moos-sickle chairs?

NATHAN: Musical Chairs....(Roars)...WITH GUNS!

MURDERFACE: YEAH! When the (Expletive censored by guitar riff) music stops...BANG! BANG! YOU WIN!

TOKI: But...that's ams NOT winning...that ams CHEET-TING!

NATHAN: (Intimidates Toki; gives him the 'stink eye') You want to play it YOUR way...or, play it (Roars) MY WAY!

TOKI: (Frightened) Can's I picks the moos-sic?

NATHAN: (Roars) NO MISTER ROGERS!

MURDERFACE: And no (Another expletive censored by the well-known guitar riff) SESAME STREET!

SKWISGAAR: Sess-sa-mee Street....Muppets ams has HANDS up theirs (Censored word blocked by guitar riff)!

NATHAN: (Whispers to Pickles) Murderface ALWAYS has a hand up his (Objectionable word censored by guitar riff)!

MURDERFACE: (Angry) HEY!

FINIS

[SaintCervixCancer]

They seem very exciteable.

[klokateer513]

^

CFO: (On his D i c k Tracy-like wrist roadio; speaking to it) Could you order cases of Johnson and Johnson soothing lavendar baby bath lotion for the boys, please? Ritalin isn't working.

[SaintCervixCancer]

HA, SHORT ONE! I read the whole thing, kinda.