Rants

[Whelp]

For an institution dedicated to film, the American Film Institute has bewildering criteria for measuring the worth of a movie.

Now, I understand and appreciate that critical acclaim seldom correlates with box office success, and that some films will inevitably make a top 100 list despite having flopped with the public. Rare exceptions exist, of course, but even taking into account plebian tastes, AFI's list of top 100 movies ever is pretty weak. Let's take a look.

#100: Yankee Doodle Dandy. Ever heard of it? Me either. Made in 1942, I must assume it was one of those war propaganda films that kind of make you cringe when you see it today. Too many smiling faces, and too much crisp, deep focus. Still, I'm only guessing here, and making a prejudgement based on other films of the era. Who knows? It might actually be good (though I seriously doubt it).

#99: Guess Who's Coming to Dinner. Ooh. How shocking. Jungle Fever. Yawn. Poitier is a workable actor, but too starchy for my tastes. Admittedly, this was one of his best performances, but that isn't saying much. This would never have made my top 100 list.

#98: Unforgiven. In every way, shape, and form, this film is inferior to Tombstone, and the fact that they were released so colse to each other shows that it is certianly possible to glut the market with Westerns. The genre died with Sergio Leone.

#97: Bringing up Baby. Kate Hepburn drives me bonkers. I hate her screen presence, and not even the dulcet tones of Cary Grant can soothe her squakish crow's voice.

#96: The Searchers. John Ford did some interesting films from time to time, and if you're in the right mood, the Duke can be a light diversion, but to call this a great film is to do injustice to classics like Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure and Strange Brew. Watch it if you must, but bring beer and lots of it.

#95: Pulp Fiction. Ah. One I can actually agree wtih. His nonlinear storytelling was pioneered years earlier, but Tarantino introduced the device to a whole new generation with his stylish take on hipster culture. I think Reservior Dogs was the superior film, but it might be a little too niche for real critical acclaim.

#94: Goodfellas. Another travesty. Along with Casino, this film showcases the fact that Joe Pesci can really play a creep quite well. It is also one of the few excellent performances ever executed by Ray Liotta. It belongs much higher on this list.

#93: The Apartment. Okay. Billy Wilder gave us Some Like it Hot, and it's clear that he's a hell of a storyteller. Jack Lemmon plays well, but I will never develop a taste for Shirley Maclaine. End of story.

#92: A Place in the Sun. Liz Taylor. Raymond Burr. Big snore.

#91: My Fair Lady. The pain in Shaw(ain) lies mainly in my brain. Audrey Hepburn was a cute kid for a while there, but the sheer grinding length of this film makes sitting through it an interminable endeavor. If I want to torture myself with a studio musical, I'll stick to shorter fare, like... well, I guess there are no short musicals, but Oklahoma! is cut well enough that you don't notice how long it is.

#90: The Jazz Singer (1927): When I first saw this on the list, I thought it was that abomination by Neil Diamond made in, what? 1980? No, this is some old talkie featuring Al Jolson. Sam Warner himself worked on this picture. I can't comment on it because I haven't seen it. I'll try to get back to you.

Okay. That's the first swipe at the list. Since I don't want to be up all night typing, I'll do more later. For now, I'm going to go watch a movie. With luck, it won't be so bad to make me strangle kittens.

AFI can pick the peanuts from my turds.

[sleepyirv]

So..... You have a different opinion?

Why not do something constructive by makeing your own list then saying "I don't like their list" point by point.

[CaliDave43]

lets not get snippy, irv

[sleepyirv]

I'm always this snippy at this time.

Especially about movies and those with end all opinons...... AFI and Whelp included.

[Whelp]

#89: Patton. I love war film. Let me say that unequivocally. Deerhunter still gives me chills, and Platoon is just so chock full of steamy goodness that it never fails to excite. So, why, I wonder, did Full Metal Jacket fail to make the list, while this (while certainly watchable) mostly mediocre film slide in under spot 90? I don't get it.
#88: Easy Rider. Okay, I'd be a **bleep** for dissing this one, obviously. I'd probably put it in the sixties somewhere, but I do want to say one thing...: Dennis Hopper. Okay, man?
#87: Frankenstein (1931). Whew. It's the Boris Karloff one. Don't panic. Still, 87? Hmm. A bit too generous, if you ask me. Bela Lugosi pwnt Boris Karloff, hard. If the DeNiro one had been directed well, it would have been a good successor to the throne. Alas.
#86: Mutiny on the Bounty. Holy crap! This is the 1935 version. These douchenozzles dissed Brando for some drek hack job done in the 30's. I am outraged!
#85: Duck Soup. Ha ha. Groucho Marx. I kind of hated it when Yuna says the name of this film in FF X-2, and since that game is such a nightmare, I have come to hate the film by association.
#84: Fargo. A lot of people hate this film. I am not one of them. The Coen brothers can be hit or miss, but this was a definite hit. William H. Macy is superb, and Frances McDormand is adorable as a pregnant cop. Stellar film, even Buscemi shines (though not like he does as Donny in The Big Lebowski, a film unfairly omitted from this berk's list).
#83: Platoon. The only forceful performance of Charlie Sheen's career. Poor guy. It's a cautionary tale. This flick should be in the top fifty, and I fling my dingleberries at AFI for giving it short shrift.
#82: Giant. Another one I had to look up. 1952. Rock Hudson. Liz Taylor. Somthing tells me I'm not missing much. *yawn*
#81: Modern Times. I actually suggest you try finding this. Chaplin is a screen wizard. Maybe he lacks the pointy hat and robe, but he can make you go from laughing uproariously to the verge of tears in only a few seconds. What's more, he can do it without being schmatlzy or sappy. This is a great film, and is one of the few flicks that is in the spot it deserves.
#80: The Wild Bunch. Give me a break. If I wnat to see old men being crooks, I'll go to a board meeting of any Fortune 500 corporation. There's nothing really redeeming in this movie, and shame on AFI for seeing something that isn't there.

~to be continued.

[Whelp]

---

sleepyirv wrote:

So..... You have a different opinion?

Why not do something constructive by makeing [sic] your own list then saying "I don't like their list" point by point.

---

I find this exercise to be plenty constructive.

[gheelnory]

They're all quite interesting movies, for their history if nothing else (and in my view there is something else).  For instance, #90, The Jazz Singer, was the first talking picture.

And #100 is the story of George M. Cohan.  I realize this may not impress you.  But....it's history.  And I love to see Cagney dance.

So, dear Verps:  bite me.

[Arrem_Lowlander]

Wait, didn't that list come out close to five years ago? And you're ranting about it now??

Well, party on, then. I've knew that list to be a crock of poo (and not hunnie, Christopher Robin) the moment I realized that it doesn't include foreign films. Stupid AFI. Wh/ores of Hollywood! Where were they when the Film Preservation Workshop needed money, huh? Up Marty Scorsese's butt, that's where.

Eh, I'd throw down with you on this, but you hate Katherine Hepburn and therefore should be ignored forthwith!

Casablanca should be number one...

[gheelnory]

Dissing Duck Soup?

Okay.  Now we're gonna have a little altercation.

[Whelp]

Red Beard should be number one.

Also, it's not like I hate Kate Hepburn's acting. She can act. I abhor her voice is all. It's like fingernails across a blackboard to me.

[gheelnory]

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Arrem_Lowlander wrote:

 I've knew that list to be a crock of poo (and not hunnie, Christopher Robin) the moment I realized that it doesn't include foreign films. Stupid AFI.

---

Well, you know, they do have the excuse of it being the American Film Institute.         

[Arrem_Lowlander]

---

Whelp wrote:

Red Beard should be number one.

Also, it's not like I hate Kate Hepburn's acting. She can act. I abhor her voice is all. It's like fingernails across a blackboard to me.

---

I think it's rather sexy, really. Sort of explains why I've been furiously pudwhacking while fantasizing about Cate Blanchett for well over a year now, but that's just me I suppose.

[Whelp]

Yeah, well, you're from New York, so I guess I can let it slide. Out here, that kind of enunciation is liable to get you a sock to the kisser.

Git er done.

[Lord_MiDeentor]

---

gheelnory wrote:

Dissing Duck Soup?

Okay. Now we're gonna have a little altercation.

---

That's a brilliant film.

[Whelp]

I didn't diss the film. I just siad I hated it because of the FF X-2 connection. Jeez. Ever hear of the fallacy of guilt by association?

[gheelnory]

I don't think Lord and I are being fallacious by objecting to your comments on Duck Soup, because your comments might influence your readers to give the film a miss.

You are looked up to here, you know.

[Arrem_Lowlander]

Yawn.

Right, well I'm all sleepy and stuff. I may just copy and roll with the list sometime tomorrow. If you're very lucky, I might connect all the films to Kevin Bacon for you. Keep going, whelp. It's a cool idea.

[Lord_MiDeentor]

I know yuo weren't putting it down.

I just felt like praising one of my favorite films.

Squeeze-Cheese.

[Whelp]

On with the show.

#79:  The Deer Hunter. Natty Bumppo this ain't, and thank God. Fantastic scene with the Russian roulette. Did you know that they tried taking out most of the wedding? Almost wrecked the whole flick, they did. Good decision to keep it in. Bad move putting it at 79; it ought to be around 50.
#78: Rocky. Light entertainment? Yes. Great film? No. The cinematography was medicore, the fight sequences in Raging Bull were mush more impressive, and the storyline was cliche, even then. Don't get me wrong, I like watching it from time to time, but it has no place in a top 100 list.
#77: American Graffiti. Lucas... my childhood dreams are forever smeared. When Jar Jar first opened his mouth, everything Lucas ever did was smeared with a patina of filth. At least we haven't seen his special edition of this flick.
#76: City Lights. Okay, we get it. Chaplin was great. Admittedly, this film is even better than Modern Times, and the blind flower girl was the template for Aeris, so I'll let it stick without any grumbling.
#75: Dances With Wolves. Costner's biggest mistake was losing his humility after this film. I haven't seen it in years, and I suspect that if it were on in the same room as me, I'd leave. It's just fine the first time around, and it's shot well for an epic film, but once you've seen it once, you've seen it enough.
#74: The Gold Rush. Chaplin again. You might think these guys are trying to say something. City Lights is better, 'nuff said.
#73: Wuthering Heights. Emily Bronte disgusts me, always has. Laurence Olivier does a good Heathcliff, but not good enough to salvage this flick. It's good to put on if you need a good, solid nap. I'd rather watch paint dry than see this chunk o' garbage again.
#72: Ben-Hur. Charlton Heston at his biblical best. You almost expect lightning to shoot from his eyes and fire from his rectum to incinerate his foes. Gladiator movies were done right in those days, digital wirstwatches on centurions notwithstanding (another film, I know). Too bad real epics like this are too tough to pull off these days. Everyone likes CG extras. Bah.
#71: Forrest Gump. An idiot who makes it big. I hate this movie with a passion. I loathe Tom Hanks in general, and I doubly loathe him for making this mawkish, sentimental film that seems to send the message that it's okay to be stupid, because the world will sit up on its haunches for you. It excuses dimwittedness and may encourage illiteracy. I despise Zemeckis for setting this turd to celluloid, and I consider Starkey, Finerman, and Tisch to be World-class fartbubbles for producing it. Let me say it again for those of you who missed it: Forrest Gump is an awful film. The fact that it made this list at all is testament to the enduring power of the charming idiot (also, spare me your tarot/zen/tao interpretations; I'm well aware of them. I would counter by saying that this film was mad ein the secular west where stupidity ought not be a virtue).
#70: The French Connection. Gene Hackman

~to be continued~

[Whelp]

Point taken, gheel.

DUCK SOUP IS AN AWESOME FILM. DON'T MISS IT!

Better?

[sleepyirv]

I think people should ignore his opinion in general. An one line movie review? Jimmy M. Christmas. I can take three or four of them to make a point, but doing hundred is crossing a line.

Whelp, just say you don't like the list at all and give a couple examples.

Also, Red Beard isn't American...... or especially great. Of coure, it's your opinion.

[Whelp]

I'm not reviewing each movie, I'm giving a brief example of why I feel some of them don't belong in a list of greatest movies.

I think you misunderstand the point of this rant. The nature of top 100 lists is, by necessity, subjective. Obviously, my opinion isn't going to be any better than that of anyone else, probably owrse, in many cases. However, there is massive dissent in the critical community, evidenced by disagreements among critics for nearly every film ever made. A list like this is amost absurdly pompous. AFI would like us to believe they have a scissorlock on quality, and I've a problem with the overweeing pride implicit. My intent is not to supplant their list, but to mock it. That I have to expalin this perhaps shows how strongly some people feel on the subject, and I didn't imagine this rather disposable thread to generate any interest, but here we are, eh?

You're half right about Red Beard. It isn't American.

PS: please don't tell me how to conduct my topics. If you are displeased with the way I conduct myself, you are more than welcome to stay out of the thread.

[NatetheGr8]

Why on earth is Gene Hackman surrounded by " " ?

Hackman is great.  Like Tony the Tiger GReeeeeeaaaaT.

I quibble with you, sir.

[desantoos]

Must be a joke thread. Or someone hijacked Whelp's name and wrote crap. Because that's what the analysis of some of these movies are. Complete garbage.

[NatetheGr8]

It has all the correct elements of a Verp/Whelp thread.  If it's an impersonator it's a **bleep** good one.