Rants

[Elle_Eccentric]

My husband goes to work early in the mornings and comes home right around bed time, eats, and falls asleep.  
He tells me he feels beaten up everyday.  I try to make everything perfect so he can relax.  All he wants to do is lay in bed with the tv on.

Just now I tried to go in there and cuddle up next to him.  He acts almost put off by this.   Oh who the hell am I kidding he "is" putt off by this.

He can be such a nice guy but since he started working for his cousin he's been a completely different person all around.  I know he's not happy with his job... but lately it's like he's not happy with me.  

I told him "I miss him"

He said "Miss me on a day that I don't have to work like saturday."

But I'm so busy with our daughter on the weekends its not possible.  I make myself available every night for him... for whatever he wants to do.  I feel like I'm his roomate rather then his wife.

*exhales*

[JQuest15]

Im single so maybe my 2 cents are moot.

But im sure the relationship reservoir as i've heard it being called. That you 2 have, has enough energy to get you 2 through it.

When the good times come back it'll get filled up again for the bad times. No simple answer i can give and i probably shouldn't have said anything but thats all i got.

[superking09]

Sorry to hear that Elie. I wish there was something I could do to make you feel better.

[OvercastKid]

Try to talk to him about it.  Approach it in a sensitive manner, but tell him you noticed he's been unhappy lately and ask why.

[Elle_Eccentric]

No actually that makes a lot of sense.

[Elle_Eccentric]

You don't know how much I want to hop in my car and drive down to the liquor store.
I wish I had the sense to keep liquor handy at times such as these.

[Elle_Eccentric]

Talking doesn't get us anywhere.
And even when I tip toe around him and approach it subtly he still calls it nagging.
I'm too the point where I just don't want anything to do with him.

[crackymckrackin]

You will have hot and cold times in marriage. I have been married almost 16 years. Someday you will look back and wonder who that guy was. My suggestion would be to get the kiddo over to grandmothers house for an extended weekend and don't let him make an excuse to get out of it. Go some were. Don't stay at home. People can find you or ask you for stuff. spend the weekend just hanging out, talking and other things. I commend you on your dedication. Sometimes it may seem like he's not there anymore but generally it's a symptom of something. He might be having a problem that he's not willing to share with you just yet. He will talk to you when he's ready. I'm rambling......

[Elle_Eccentric]

I like when you ramble. lol
That's probably not a bad idea. My mom is sooo busy at work right now. I don't wanna rustle her jimmy's and ask her to take applejack for a weekend. lol

I'm very much open to the idea of hanging out with him just the two of us. We have a lot of fun and get along way better. But he's broke right now... there's not much we can do... or want to do.

[GroovyAtlas]

Could he be depressed? You say he's not happy working for his cousin. Withdrawal is a pretty common coping mechanism. 

If that is the case, I don't know what advice I could give you, but at least you'd know what you're dealing with.

I hope I didn't alarm you by bringing this up.

[crackymckrackin]

There's lots of things you can do when your broke. You can hide in your house. Tell everyone you are leaving for the weekend and pitch a tent in the back yard. Drive to the lake or river (preferable a secluded area). But the main thing is to get away from other people who could but into your time together. I have a cabin in the woods me and the wife would escape to when we needed time alone.
All it cost was the gas to get there and the food we took with us. The tent in the back yard only works if you have privacy fence.

[Elle_Eccentric]

He's been depressed for a long time.
We already know we're dealing with that.
But it's hard on me too because as a woman I want to fix his situation and I can't.

[Elle_Eccentric]

You have your very own cabin?
God I wish we did too.

[crackymckrackin]

It's a lot of work and extra taxes. I think it's worth it though.

[Runescapian]

---

crackymckrackin wrote:
There's lots of things you can do when your broke. You can hide in your house. Tell everyone you are leaving for the weekend and pitch a tent in the back yard. Drive to the lake or river (preferable a secluded area). But the main thing is to get away from other people who could but into your time together. I have a cabin in the woods me and the wife would escape to when we needed time alone.
All it cost was the gas to get there and the food we took with us. The tent in the back yard only works if you have privacy fence.

---

Exactly this. Get rid of the scamp for a couple days and spend not-around-other-people time with your husband. It doesn't matter if it's at home doing nothing but goofing off - the point is the two of you spend time with just each other.

[in case of confusion, this message is aimed at Elle.]

[stilgar]

you need to tell him this is bothering you. if you don't it will just get worse until it ends up in a big fight. communication is one of the keys to a good relationship that will last

[poooooooooooooof]

hes working way too much. but im assuming he has to? cuz you guys have a kid u cant juz go broke. i wouldnt tip toe around it if i were u. if u bend over backwards for him its only going to reinforce the dooshy habits hes got going. like i get that it #### that he has 2 work so much but he needs 2 man up about it for HIS own good. so if hes being a dik be a dikk right back at him. let him know that if he wants to throw a pity party nobodys going to come. dont be afraid to fight about it. but def DONT be passive-aggressive about it. like u need to be straightforward.

& whats up w/the liquor urge?? whats the alcohol situation at ur place? is he drunk? do u drink? wuts up?

[ladyislingering]

Men are more trouble than they're worth. If there wasn't a child I'd say just leave. I can definitely sympathize with being ignored constantly and feeling like my existence itself was a burden. I'm done with marriage...thankfully I have no children so there are no real problems but nobody on the opposing side wants to admit there was a problem.

Men are just a real pain in the ass.

[anDaibhalsHusair]

Not even having the time to feel sorry for your self is hard. I had a job before where I wpuld a normal 8 hour shift, then be on call. Usually it ended up that I would work 15 hours straight, and if I was lucky, sleep a couple hours a night. obviously I didn't date much through that period. But during that time my one thought was getting away from that hell. No friends, no family, no girlfriend. It beats you down so badly that its easy to forget you're leaving someone at home, waiting for them to wake up and suddenly notice you.

I'm surmising that the three of you really need him to have this job, other wise no one would make such a sacrifice? It's hell, I know. Each situation is different, and there rely isnt anything anyone can say, or do besides continue to explore other options.

[Nameraka_Hanzaisha]

no advice worth giving. just sorry; that ####.