Know this: If Jesus ever lived, he would not have been some blond, blue-eyed WASP. He would have been black. Why? He loved gospel, couldn't get a fair trial, and called everyone "brother".
Then again, he may have been Mexican. He spoke two languages, his first name was Jesús, and he always got hassled by the authorities.
He may have also had some Irish ancestry. He never married, he loved green pastures, and he always told stories.
Jesus would also have had some Italian in him. He talked with his hands, drank wine at every meal, and used olive oil.
He wouldn't even have been from Israel. He'd have been from California. Why? Jesus wore sandals everywhere, he had long hair, and he started a new religion.
No matter his ethnicity, he'd have still been Jewish. He went into his dad's business. He lived at home until he was thrity. Jesus also thought his mom was a virgin, and she thought he was God.
And he wouldn't have been a "he". Jesus would have been a woman. He kept spreading his message to a bunch of men who just didn't get it. He had to feed a whole village at a moment's notice when there wasn't any food around. And after he died, he had to get back up because there was more work to do.
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