12-18-2010 04:57 AM
Last year, I promised that if Robot Chicken struck out, it would be time for DRASTIC MEASURES!!! And they did, obviously. Seeing as they are returning for Season 5, I am now forced to take action. I didn't want it to have to come to this!
You know what that means. It is time for me, in all my power, to single handedly DESTROY Robot Chicken!
I've been at this for quite a while since I first promised Drastic Measures. And of course there have been setbacks. For instance, I started my onslaught by not watching Adult Swim. At all. They had lost me as a viewer, my friends! But then someone explained to me that not only was I merely one viewer, as well as not a Nielsen household so technically ZERO viewers, but if my absence was noticed, it was during the time that Robot Chicken was in the off season. So if anything, by not watching Adult Swim at that time, I was sending them a message saying, "Bring back Robot Chicken".
So then I decided I would make my OWN show, and it would be so popular that it would dwarf Robot Chicken in ratings, and replace it entirely. At the time, I had no studios or writers or storyboarders or designers or workers of any kind, and only $121.48 that I was willing to spend of my own money. So, I bought a lot of paper, and started drawing things up flipbook style. Each book would be one episode. I made a show about square cracker named "Series Domebreaker" Concept wise it was a lot like "Bastard!!" meets Pepperidge Farm Goldfish. But then Pepperidge Farm, possibly stealing my idea from my YouTube channel where I exhibited the first 12 episodes for a limited time, made a "Search For Gilbert" story arc, largely using tropes and concepts from MY show. Should have gotten a patent. Scrapped that idea.
Then I remembered that Seth Green is a werewolf. And like all creatures of legend, they can be bought off for a trade. Desperate, I went to my local library and researched what it is that werewolves will do anything for. Maybe if I make nice with this guy he'll lay off all of the lame observations. I came across an old reading called "Bisclavret" by some chick named Marie de France. It told me that most werewolves desire to be human above all things.
So, I went up in the mountains and picked a peck of Aconitum variegatum, alias Blue Rocket, alias Devil's Helmet, alias Wolfsbane. I'm going to engineer a purple tinctured gel out of this for Seth Green. A Philosopher's Stone, if you will. I'm gonna call it, Purple Stone.
There you have it, Mr. Seth Green. The keys to Stoopid Monkey for the Stone. It's a fair trade, you're rife with power, what's this one fraction of your empire?
12-19-2010 12:58 AM
12-19-2010 09:44 PM - edited 12-19-2010 09:47 PM
Because I'm forgetting the "secret ingredient" in every Stone?
I thought of that. I've got a special deal worked out with Rikers Island...
EDIT: WHAT??? The state of New York declared the death penalty unconstitutional? Mmmmm... COWARDS!!! They're ruining everything!
12-20-2010 09:10 PM
If you truly want to buy off Seth Green, forget the Purple Stone. What you need is a bottle of Jameson and a straw.
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