And now, the exciting conclusion:
Moltar: We don’t have a sock jar!
Space Ghost: Then what are you doing here then, go get it!
Moltar: There is no such thing as a jar made to specifically store socks!
Space Ghost: (shakes his head) Moltar, Moltar, Moltar – are you saying that lovely salesman I met in Vermont was lying to me.
Moltar: (beat) Yes.
(Cut to Zorak in the keyboard as the Chair Demon slides up next to him.)
Chair Demon: Hey man, can I have your soul?
Zorak: I already sold my soul to Satan. For a packet of Doritos.
Chair Demon: Then, I don’t know – give me that!
Zorak: I already ate it! It tasted stale
Chair Demon: Well – now you got me hungry.
(Cut back to Space Ghost.)
Space Ghost: Zorak, do you have a sock jar I could use?
(Space Ghost turns and faces Zorak missing, the Chair Demon taking his spot on the keyboard as the Chair Demon makes a gulping sound. Space Ghost stares for a beat.)
Space Ghost: (to himself) Alright then.
(Space Ghost turns and faces T-Pain.)
Space Ghost: Hey T-Pain – you got a sock jar?
T-Pain: (laughs) No, what’s that?
(Cut back to Moltar in the control room.)
Moltar: Ya see man, I told you!
(Cut back to the set as Space Ghost is folding his arms.)
Space Ghost: Listen Moltar, his a rapper. They have no real need or desire for socks, so why would they need a sock jar? I mean the very notion of it was ridiculous, and you should never ask such a thing ever again.
Moltar: But you were the one….
Space Ghost: The one what? The one who was flying around galaxies, saving lives while YOU were still in diapers.
Moltar: Hey, I explained those diapers – they were medically prescribed to me.
Space Ghost: Who Moltar? Who would prescribe diapers to someone?
T-Pain: Is this a bad time?
(Space Ghost turns to T-Pain.)
Space Ghost: No Pain, that’s just how Moltar and I communicate. Although Zorak is being rather obedient tonight…
(Cut to the Chair Demon with a wide grin on the keyboard.)
Space Ghost: Keep it up buddy, and you’ll get Employee of the Month.
(Cut to Moltar in the control room.)
Moltar: But that isn’t Zorak!
(Cut back to set as Space Ghost is pounding his fist on the desk.)
Space Ghost: Oh Moltar, hush - you’re just jealous you won’t be getting Employee of the Month and the parking space that comes along with it
Moltar: I don’t understand why you need three parking spaces.
Space Ghost: Because Moltar, I like to park diagonally. We’ve been over this.
Moltar: ‘right, whatever. I’m getting my guitar, this is BS.
(Moltar walks out of the control. Back on the set.)
Space Ghost: So T-Pain, tell us a little bit about how you compose a song?
T-Pain: Well sometimes, when I’m doing a song – well actually a lot of the times, I would use Auto-Tune.
Space Ghost: Is that like a car radio?
(Beat.)
T-Pain: No.
Space Ghost: Oh. Well – explain to the universe “Auto-Tune”
T-Pain: It is pitch correction technology…
Space Ghost: You know who needs pitch correction? The Red Sox!
(Space Ghost begins laughing as T-Pain looks unamused, Space Ghost notices this and stops. He then looks at his cue-card.)
Space Ghost: So, Auto-Tune…what’s Jay-Z’s problem?
T-Pain: He doesn’t have a problem with Auto-Tune per se, as much as a lot of singers have sort of jumped onto the technology and using it as a crutch.
Space Ghost: Alrighty then. Citizen Pain, Is Lil’ Wayne named as such because his a little person or….
T-Pain: It’s just a name.
Space Ghost: Right, right…..
(Beat.)
Space Ghost: Well, that’s all we have time for, good night everybody!
(Beat.)
T-Pain: Is that it….or?
Space Ghost: Yes Pain, that’s it.
T-Pain: You wrapping things up early ‘round here.
Space Ghost: I’ve run out of questions.
T-Pain: We could just run the clock out.
Space Ghost: (sighs) Fine
(Beat.)
T-Pain: (rapping with Auto-Tune.) Space Ghost got his glock out, we gonna both run da clock out, cause that’s what Coast to Coast is all about.
(Musical sting. Space Ghost looks shocked.)
Space Ghost: Aaaagh! What the Hell was that?
T-Pain: (sitting, stunned) Auto-Tune.
Space Ghost: (scared) I’ll , uh, be right back.
(Space Ghost invisos out. Cut to the control room as Moltar is playing a riff on the guitar as Space Ghost invisos in.)
Moltar: Space Ghost, get outta here! I’m tuning in my guitar.
Space Ghost: Listen Moltar, I have a sneaking suspicion T-Pain is a robot.
Moltar: T-Pain can’t be a robot, we security check all the guests before they come on the show.
Space Ghost: And T=Pain….came out clear?
Moltar: Yes!
Space Ghost: Because you know my feelings towards robots.
Moltar: Yes, for the last time – he isn’t a robot!
(Quick beat.)
Space Ghost: Well….what if T-Pain was a…..cyborg doppleganger!
(Musical sting.)
Moltar: We check for that too!
Space Ghost: Cause y’know, I have a long and frightful history with….cyborg dopplegangers!
(Musical sting)
Moltar: Alright listen, let me do the security check again just to reassure you, you big baby!
Space Ghost: At least I didn’t wear diapers while I was…
Moltar: THOSE WERE MEDICALLY PRESCRIBED TO ME AND SHUT UP!
(Moltar angrily pulls the lever as T-Pain appears on the screen with the words “Security Check” flashing as a bar is loading to indicate the process. After it’s done, the words “Cyborg Doppleganger” flash on the screen.)
Space Ghost: What’s that say?
Moltar: It says it’s all clear, see – I told you.
Space Ghost: Thank you Moltar, sometimes I can get paranoid. (speaking quietly) Moltar, I’ll tell you a secret….under these spandex (beat) I wear diapers.
(Beat.)
Moltar: Pansy.
(Cut back to the set. Space Ghost invisos in behind the desk.)
Space Ghost: Sorry Pain – me and Moltar had to check something. You’ll think I’m crazy but….I thought you were a cyborg doppleganger. (stifles laughter) Isn’t that the craziest thing?
T-Pain: (speaking with Auto-Tune) I am, Space Ghost.
(Musical sting. Zorak walks onto the stage.)
Zorak: Where the Hell is my cyborg doppleganger?
Space Ghost: Zorak! This was all your doing! You created T-Pain’s cyborg doppleganger to kill me!
Zorak: What? No! I hired my cyborg doppleganger to fill in for me while I vacationed in Hawaii.
Space Ghost: Oh….how was Hawaii?
Zorak: It was good, took a lot of pictures.
(Zorak turns to face the Chair Demon.)
Zorak: Who’s this guy?
Space Ghost: I don’t know (Cut back to Space Ghost) Isn’t that you?
(Another Space Ghost flies in.)
Second Space Ghost: (speaking with Auto-Tune) The League of the Cyborg Dopplegangers must assemble, our voices are beginning to break revealing our true identities., c’mon T-Pain!
T-Pain: (speaking with Auto-Tune) I’m right behind you, SG.
Space Ghost: Hey, there’s another me!
(A VW drives in hitting the Second Space Ghost and Zorak.)
Space Ghost: My VW! It’s alive! (beat) I gotta go mow my lawn.
(Cut to a front lawn of a house, as a lawn-mower is chasing Space Ghost.)
Space Ghost: My lawn-mower! It’s alive!
(End credits. Post-credits scene, Space Ghost and Moltar are hiding under the commissary table with sock puppets on their hands.)
Space Ghost: (doing cartoony voice) Oh no! It’s the attack of the Taco bandit!
Moltar: (doing normal voice, deadpan) No, I am the Taco Bandit.
(Space Ghost gets up from the under the table as Moltar follows.)
Space Ghost: No, no, no Moltar! I’m the Taco Bandit! You’ll ruin the whole show.
Moltar: How does any of this got to do with not taking drugs.
(Space Ghost is folding his arms. Beat.)
Space Ghost: It has everything to do with it!
(Williams Street. Cartoon Network “Skull!”.)
I need a break from the internet
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