10-29-2007 10:36 AM - edited 10-29-2007 10:36 AM
Uncle Ruckus: I Heart White Folks & Hate Negros
October 19th, 2007 | Author: Aliya Ewing
mod edit: here is a link to the original story:
Quite possibly the most controversial of all of The Boondocks' characters, Uncle Ruckus is out to make sure the Black man stays in check--although he is also (un-admittedly) one himself. HipHopDX had the exclusive opportunity to call up Uncle Ruckus to hear him preach about nappy-headed hoes, the positive sides of slavery and black-on-black crime, and the only man on earth he would ever sleep with. This interview is definitely not for the easily offended...
Uncle Ruckus: Hello there Aliya, how you doing?
HipHopDX: I’m good how are you?
UR: I'm good, I’m good, Aliya, just tryin' to stay as far away from colored folks as I can, what you callin' my house for?
DX: Well I just wanted to take the time to talk to you a little bit, and let people know more about you...
UR: Alright…what color you is?
DX: [Laughs] Well…ummm….For starters, can you tell us a lit bit about your history and heritage?
UR: I’m mostly Irish …then I got a little bit of Indian in me. I ain't talking bout the American Indians who run all the casinos, I’m talking bout the good Indians- I got a little bit of that, but it’s mostly European blood in me
DX: [Laughs]…so you’re not black …
UR: Aw hell naw, I’m as white as a…you know the inside of one of them Eskimo Pie ice cream sandwiches? That’s what I look like on the inside. White as the inside of one of them Eskimo Pie ice cream sandwiches.
DX: Why are you so enchanted by white people?
UR: Why am I enchanted? White people done the greatest things in the world. Opened the automatic drive-thru banks, built the pyramids, and Lawd, they smell good…I wish right now I had me a white woman to just roll around my carpet so I could smell it every time I walk into my house. How can you not be attracted to the white man?
DX: Are you seeing anybody right now?
UR: Am I seeing anybody?
UR: I don’t have time. I don’t have time with all my multiple jobs and educating people to go entering into affairs of the heart.
DX: So what do you look for in a woman.
UR: Uhh, mostly… someone who's really too drunk to really say, “No, sir.” Pretty much any lady who done had just a lil' bit too much to drink to really understand who she dealin’ with. Besides that, of course I look for mostly the true inner beauty--which would be white skin on the outside. I think if a woman is as white on the inside as she is on the outside then, Lawd, she is the woman for me.
DX: Okay, but if you had to choose, who would your favorite black person be?
UR: My favorite black person? If I had to choose anybody, I’d say my favorite black person in the world…who ain't dead…. would have to be a well-spoken black person. Somebody like Colin Powell. Lawd, if you squint and Colin Powell is in a dark room you may as well be talking to a white man. I guess number two on that list…let's see here…Barack Obama.
UR: If he just keep his colored mouth shut. He keep lookin' black…
DX: So who is your least favorite white person?
UR: My least favorite white person?
UR: My least favorite white person? What kind of trick joke is that? They ain't made that person yet. That’s one thing… that’s the difference between colored folks and white folks. You can find a whole ‘lotta evil treacherous Negroes, but I ain't never ran across a white person that I did not enjoy being with. They all have something subtle about them that just make you wanna be around them.
DX: Okay, so how about burying the word "** L **"…a lot of people have been talking about it in Hip Hop right now, but that seems to be one of your favorite vocab words. How do you feel about that?
UR: I gotta be honest with you right now. I am currently writing a letter to the president of the United States begging him please don’t take the n-word away from us.
DX: It’s a powerful word
UR: It is a powerful word if you use it right; like if you say something like, “** L **, get outta my way!” I so enjoy that. But I just don’t want the white man to have so much stripped away from him. I don’t want nobody telling him he can’t use the word "** L **." If I had my way, Black folks couldn’t say "** L **," but the white man could say it all day long. They could sit down with a nice cup of coffee and just say "** L **" so much that they lips start bleeding
DX: [Laughs] Uncle Ruckus, What’s the first thing you think about when you wake up in the morning?:
UR: Just how blessed I am to be trapped in this beautiful body that I got. And how fortunate I am that I don’t have to wake up next to a colored woman. I can’t even understand…no wonder Bobby Brown had a heart attack. Hell, if I woke up to a Negro woman every morning, I hope my heart would blow up in my chest. You aint no Negro woman is you?
DX: Alright, lets play a little word association game. I’ll--
UR: Oh Lawd, Lawd have mercy mercy I feel like I’m talking to a colored gal! I pray to God that I ain't, go ahead, go ahead, I’m just gonna pretend you ain't.
DX: We’re gonna play a word associate game…I’ll throw out some words and phrases, and you tell me your initial thoughts…ready?
UR: Alright, yeah...
DX: Nappy Headed Hoes.
UR: Nappy headed hoes? So I tell you the first thing that come to mind when I think of "nappy headed hoes"? Oprah and Gayle.
DX: 50 Cent vs. Kanye West.
UR: I hope they both shoot each other and blow each others' ** L ** off. Next question…that’s a win/win situation let me tell you… the black-on-black crime is a win/win situation for everybody. Go ‘head, next question.
DX: Michael Jackson.
UR: Oh Lawd bless his soul...lucky. He is a lucky man…some how he was able to change, to pray to enough to change his colored skin and his colored nose into that of a beautiful white man or woman. Lucky, lucky, lucky.
UR: Slavery? Misunderstood.
DX: How is it misunderstood?
UR: Well, look here. You had colored folks for the first time in history and the last time in history going out and workin' everyday makin' an honest day's pay for the work they doin'. They had they food provided, they had clothes provided, they had shelter provided, colored folks ain't got that no mo’. Slavery was a misunderstood institution…they even had a free boat-ride on the way over here. When was the last time you had a free boat ride, colored girl? You ain't never had one. If you was a slave right now you could be sittin' back on a luxurious cruise shining your shackles. Next question.
DX: White devil.
UR: White devil? Inappropriate. No such thang. It’s inappropriate for you to suggest such a thing.
DX: Favorite food.
UR: My favorite food? …Let's see here what I got... mostly cans of…Dinty Moore Beef Stew. That’s a good food. If you wanna heat it up you can, but if you don’t, it make a nice lil' jelly right on the top of the can and Lawd it is delicious. Any kind of food that can congeal at the top and give you an extra meal out of it is a delicious food.
UR: [Pauses] When I think of that, I don’t have a single word to associate with it. But I will say, that is the place where Negroes go to get their Negroness fully and flat. That’s the one station on TV that I agree all Negroes should watch. Stop watchin' the [white] man's channels with they high contrasts and they thought processes, and go watch that simple BET. Let they brains shrink down to the size of a shriveled up peanut while you watch all them black hooligans…go ‘head, watch your BET.
DX: Flavor Flav.
UR: Flavor Flav? Here’s my question for you…he's the one that wears that big ol’ clock around his neck?
UR: When the hell did they let howler monkeys learn to tell time? Let me tell you something, next time I see him and he be able to tell time, I might just put a bullet through my head…Flava Flav…the only flavor he is, is dark chocolate. What the hell he doin' on television? He needs his own BET show fa sho’.
DX: Martha Stewart.
UR: Martha Stewart…oh Lawd…Lawd, I wish I had a tissue here right now 'cause I think I just soiled the front of my pants…Martha Stewart is everything that is pure in life. When I close my eyes and think of Martha Stewart, the thangs she has taught us, and that sweet gentle neck of hers...I think of the time she’s spent in prison around all them African savage women. Lawd it makes me wanna write my governor a letter…if there was any way for me to learn how to sew my pillow at night with a lil' Martha Stewart face on it, I don’t think I'd ever wanna get outta bed in the morning. She is goodness and light rolled up into one fine package.
DX: R. Kelly.
UR: R. Kelly? That’s that boy peein' on them people ain't he?
UR: Did he pee on black folks or white folks?
DX: It was a black girl.
UR: Oh, he’s fine then. As long as he keep the humiliation away from the Caucasian people then he fine with me.
DX: Bill Cosby.
UR: He's alright lately 'cause he telling niggas that they niggas, but back in the day, Bill Cosby wasn’t alright with me. I ain't got no opinion on Bill Cosby, he can do whatever the hell he wanna do.
DX: Bill O’Reilly.
UR: Oh Lawd, I never wanted to make love to a man before in my life, but that Bill O’Reilly…the way he all smart in his head, he knows the truth. Bill O’Reilly is a truth-speakin' man, if anybody can't understand the truth that Bill O’Reilly speakin', then they can't understand nothin'. Bill O’Reilly, if I had my way I would vote him the next president of the United States of America.
DX: And finally, ‘Don Imus’
UR: Don Imus ? [Laughs] He’s the one that told the truth bout them girls, ain't he? [Laughs] One word to describe him: "truff." T-r-u-f-f… Truff.
DX: Now, Uncle Ruckus, another thing that you’re famous for is songs. So before we get outta here can you sing a little something us please?
UR: What you want the song to be about?
DX: Whatever you want it to be about
UR: Well, here’s the way I’ll do it; my mind work like a white man. You give me something to sing about and I’ll find something to sing about. A white man can think fast. I got a white man's brain in my head.
DX: [Laughs] Sing about Hip Hop.
UR: Alright. I’ll sing about Hip Hop, but I'ma sing it in kinda a hip-hoppity way...
"Hip, Hop, go Hip Hop/ all you niggas need to, need to stop/ put down your pistols, and you put down your guns/ 'cause you might shoot some white one/ Wanna shoot a ** L ** go ‘head, go ‘head/ shoot that otha ** L ** dead, dead/ shoot that ** L ** every day or night/ but put down your pistol when you come to a white …See how I do that?...white man invented rap…"
UR: ….the only good thing I’ve seen a black man create is a rib sandwich.
Message Edited by SwimMod_Luuv on 10-30-2007 12:17 PM
10-30-2007 12:18 PM
10-30-2007 12:19 PM
10-30-2007 01:04 PM
I put a site link into your original post, hope that's okay.
10-30-2007 01:08 PM
2 more pages?
thats too much awesome for me right now, ill be back
10-30-2007 01:41 PM
10-31-2007 02:22 AM
10-31-2007 05:38 AM
Uncle Ruckus on anything is good for a laugh.
Uncle Ruckus on everything is the funniest thing imaginable.
If Aaron Magruder were ever to put out a book on "The World According to Ruckus", I'd buy it.
10-31-2007 06:49 PM
Also just so folks know, I think this is only p1 of a 3 page interview, check out the link to read the entire thing.
11-02-2007 08:56 PM
11-09-2007 07:50 PM
05-30-2008 12:46 PM
TM & © 2014 Turner Broadcasting System, Inc. A Time Warner Company. All Rights Reserved.
AdultSwim.com is part of Turner Entertainment Digital which is part of the Turner Sports & Entertainment Digital Network.