Venture Bros.

[Nais]

The following sermon is brought to you by the Church of Venture:

Today my friends, we gather around with others*
To celebrate the perfect prose and proclamations
That grace episodes of The Venture Brothers
Hail these excerpts and encapsulations!

Share a favorite quote and make others merry
Tell the episode and character if you have time
In the process become a Venture Missionary*
And unlike this mess*** it don't have to rhyme




* Virtually. If you go into the real world and spread the word, good luck. Bring mace.
** Not the position, though the Church of Venture sanctions it as one of many acceptable methods of coitus
*** Um.. yeah sorry for the rhyming thing. Sounded good at the time. Go ahead, one free shot with the mace.

[Janissary79]

Geez, where to begin?  VB is a virtual treasure trove of quotable nuggets of comedy. 

I'll get this party started:

"Do not be too hasty entering that room: I HAD TACO BEEEELLLLL FOR LUNCH!!!"--Dr. Orpheus

[R.I.P.SoapboxPaiga]

I'm taking them one at a time. As was aforementioned, there are just too many awesome quotes to go onto one post!!

Hank: [to Dean] You know what this means. Mecha-Shiva.
Dean: Mecha-Shiva. Go!

Message Edited by SoapboxPaiga on 02-22-2005 11:19 PM

[R.I.P.leggo-my-eggo]

my all time favorite quote is in my sig.

my second is from the trial eppisode.

in the bathroom scene:

Brok:"get down!!"

Dean(I think):"BUT THIER'S PEE PEE ON THE FLOOR!!"

[avfanatic]

*takes free shot with mace*

Ah, your pain is delicious!

Now for the quote:

Dean & Hank:  "It's on!  It's off!  It's on!  It's off!  It's on!  It's off!  It's on!  It's off!  It's on!  It's off!  It's on!  It's off!  It's on!"
Dr. Venture:  "That's called blinking, boys!  *flips switch*  Anything?"
Hank:  "Now it's just regular on!"

[Majikthise]

Dean: "I dare you to make less sense!"

[threeriversjackson]

"They hit me with a truck...."

Brock Samson,

Swedish Walking Murder Machine

(Driving in this case)

[R.I.P.leggo-my-eggo]

---

avfanatic wrote:

Dean & Hank:  "It's on!  It's off!  It's on!  It's off!  It's on!  It's off!  It's on!  It's off!  It's on!  It's off!  It's on!  It's off!  It's on!"
Dr. Venture:  "That's called blinking, boys!  *flips switch*  Anything?"
Hank:  "Now it's just regular on!"

---

haha good one.

[TheToiletDuck]

And i present to you:

"Brock i'm all out of condom, can you pick me up one if you go out"

(i wish my screen name was 'Alloutofcondom')

Message Edited by TheToiletDuck on 02-23-2005 12:15 AM

[Lola_Quigley]

"Dean! Have you been shooting dope into your scrotum?!? You can tell me – I'm hip!"

Message Edited by Lola_Quigley on 02-22-2005 11:45 PM

[avfanatic]

"Consider this your final warning.  You do not know the risk you are taking.  A whisper from my lips can open your mind to a world of arcane tortures!" - Dr. Orpheus

[ratt]

Dr. V: Oh yeah? What would you prescribe for...Alexander Hamilton?

Dr. Guevara: Not much.

Dr. V: Then how about...President Benjamin Franklin?

More to come as I think of 'em.

[R.I.P.droppinscience]

My first post.

The "peepee on the floor" line was my first choice--I just started watching the Venture Bros 3 weeks ago and even for several days afterward when that line would pop up in my head, I would still laugh.

The second quote I liked & from that same trial episode (that I can think of right now anyway) is the one said by the southern lawyer carried around by the moron(?), something like "he's been workin' harder than a cat trying to bury a turd in a marble floor."

Oh yea: (trial episode again): when the Monarch tells the motorcylce police officer  "why don't you take your Tom fiddlin'(?) a$$ and get back on your big gay bike". I laughed a LOT after hearing that one.

BTW: I really hope they do more of these shows--I like this show more than ATHF for example. And, I can sort of relate to Dean and Hank because I used to read those "Hardy Boys' mystery books, i used to build electronic stuff, had a couple of Estes model rockets; I still build plane models; and still read books & watch shows featuring science fiction.

Message Edited by droppinscience on 02-23-2005 12:23 AM

[avfanatic]

I could do this all night

OK, this is a long one but it's my favorite speech in VB, and far too long for my signature:

Monarch: "This all started soon after 'The Flight of the Monarch' was published.  A mean little tell-all-book filled with nothing but lies and pictures of also lies."

     *flashback to the Monarch's cocoon*

Monarch: "What the hell is this?"

Henchman: "A book?"

Monarch: "No, but you would think it was right?  You can read it like a book, here I'll show you:

     *opens book and begins reading*

'...rifling through his pockets for change, the Monarch accidentily launches a sodium-pentathol tipped dart deep into his own thigh.  Upon hearing a girlish symphony of shrill wails, a waitress comes to his aid..'

Henchman: "Told you!"

Fat Henchman: "You told me he wouldn't find out."

Henchman: "You're such a d*ck, you put his face on the cover!"

Monarch: '...plucking her eyebrows.'  Oh, it's almost exactly like a book.  There's even some pictures, here's one of me a Danceteria making out with Stimvaders and Lydia Lunch. 

     *closes book*

But this is not a book, this is a suicide note.  Good news!  The euthanasia will be carried out by me.  The author has twenty minutes to seek my aid, BEFORE I JUST KILL ALL OF YOU!  You'll find me in my room, crying!"

Message Edited by avfanatic on 02-22-2005 11:53 PM

[TinyJoseph]

My Sig:

The Monarch: "He's an irreplaceable element, of my sexy new plan to, to destroy Dr. Venture"(in reference to Tiny Joseph episode: A Very Venture Christmas!)

Hank and Brock: Scuba!

[R.I.P.pasta_and_anchovies]

[Quetzalcoatl_2k]

Here's my favorite:

Monarch: "You all think you're hot sh!t in a champagne glass, but you're nothing but cold diarrea in a dixie cup!"

Monarch: "YOU! What's your name?"

Dean: "Dean vent--

Monarch: "Your name is b!tch! and I own you! You're PROPERTY!! and when I'm done having sex with every hole God drilled in your slender body...

King gorilla! You got a cigarette? There! I just sold you off to king gorilla for a cigarette! and I don't even smoke!"

Monarch: "Holy sh#t! you're Dean f#cking Venture! King, I need to buy my b!tch back!"

King Gorilla: "F#ck you, gimme a dollar!"

[R.I.P.Birdman-HAHA]

---

Quetzalcoatl_2k wrote:

Here's my favorite:

Monarch: "You all think you're hot sh!t in a champagne glass, but you're nothing but cold diarrea in a dixie cup!"

Monarch: "YOU! What's your name?"

Dean: "Dean vent--

Monarch: "Your name is b!tch! and I own you! You're PROPERTY!! and when I'm done having sex with every hole God drilled in your slender body...

King gorilla! You got a cigarette? There! I just sold you off to king gorilla for a cigarette! and I don't even smoke!"

Monarch: "Holy sh#t! you're Dean f#cking Venture! King, I need to buy my b!tch back!"

King Gorilla: "F#ck you, gimme a dollar!"

---

lol, man i wish i could remember some of these quotes...

[Janissary79]

Military Policeman #1: Who was that?

Military Policeman #2: Brock f*cking Samson

Military Policeman #1: Dibs on his cigarette butt!

[Janissary79]

Bailiff: Place your right hand on the...

Dr. Orpheus: How sweet!  A Bible.  Well, if you don't mind, sir, I have a book of my own for this little ritual.  [pulls out the Necronomicon]  Keep your fingers clear of his mouth; he's a nibbler. 

Bailiff: Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help you...uh...whoever? 

Dr. Orpheus: I SWEAR IT!!!!!!

[FlavorFlavFlav]

exactly what my profile says.

[R.I.P.Birdman-HAHA]

---

Janissary79 wrote:

Bailiff: Place your right hand on the...

Dr. Orpheus: How sweet! A Bible. Well, if you don't mind, sir, I have a book of my own for this little ritual. [pulls out the Necronomicon] Keep your fingers clear of his mouth; he's a nibbler.

Bailiff: Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help you...uh...whoever?

Dr. Orpheus: I SWEAR IT!!!!!!

---

MAN! I LOVED THAT ONE EPISODE!! how sweet! a bible! lol...ke fingers away, hes a nibbler...gosh, Dr. O. is just one of the greatest characters on VB. They take to hypnotic suggestion like a prostate to cancer...lol

[R.I.P.cheeex05]

Pirate Captain: "Are you kidding? That guy (Brock) sounds scarier than...(SCREAMS)...well, whatever the hell that is!"

Henchmen 1: "I think it was two ninjas taped together to make ONE GIANT NINJA!!!"

Henchman 2: "No, it was a spider, I saw it climb the wall!"

Dean: "Whoa! Brock is totaly whailing on you guys! The screen says you just lost another unit."

The Boys: "Go Team Venture!"

Brock to Pirate Captain: "I don't know, they just do that."

(My favorite...)

[BrewMcCrew]

"She has more lines on her face than a mirror at Studio 54" - Doc Venture

[Nais]

This reminds me of another great exchange between the MPs.

"What are you doing? Why'd you let them go?"
"What? It's just a bunch of Vets camping."
"Dude, That was a shaved bigfoot and Steve Summers in a wig made out of shaved bigfoot."